Abusive Relationship, tunggu lagi?

noraidil_06

This is a spin off thread. @cikbunga sambung sini.

@cikbunga
12-1-2019 11:26 PM
Hi, saya rasa this thread is the suitable place untuk saya tanya soalan about emotion and love. Saya nak tanya should a person leave their partner kalau partner dia panas baran and suka maki2 dia, kuat cemburu and sometime can abuse the person mental emotion. Ada possibility tak for the partner to change their behaviour? Can warga cari voice out your opinions sebab saya rasa warga cari ni lebih banyak makan garam dari saya. I need to help a friend. Thank you so much warga cari
1

cikbunga.

Hi. Thank you so much sis noraidil sebab tolong bukakkan thread. Dah jadi a silent reader lama, komen kat sini ada la juga kadang2 but this time perlukan opinion. Saya sampai tanya dekat twitfemes pasal soalan saya but they just ignore.

Can warga cari give their opinions tentang soalan saya tu? Saya tak expert tentang relationship but saya nak tolong kawan saya. Tak sanggup nak tengok dia malam2 menangis. My friend dah lama sangat in a relationship dengan partner dia. Almost 5 years. Susah senang sama2 dengan partner dia. Dia cakap partner dia is a good person tapi ada kekurangan in term of kuat jealous, maki tak ingat dunia. My friend terlalu sayang dekat partner dia but at the same time mental dia sakit berterusan when partner dia being such a jerk dengan maki2 dia. Patut ke my friend tinggalkan semuanya atau ada possibility tak partner dia tu boleh berubah? Terima kasih warga cari!

noraidil_06

Orang baran susah nk berubah sis.
Dia tau apa nk buat.
M sure.
Go out n kenal org baru yg positif.

N pdgn u, kenape dia masih stay dgn jantan jongos tu?

cikbunga.

noraidil_06 replied at 13-1-2019 12:03 AM
Orang baran susah nk berubah sis.
Dia tau apa nk buat.
M sure.

This is the first time she's in a relationship with someone, jatuh bangun dia semua with that guy. She's said that dia pernah cuba untuk minta break dengan harapan mungkin kalau break partner dia akan menyesal and cuba change his behaviour but that guy akan attack macam2 and mengamuk. If he's in a good mood, he will become so lovely... The guy if jumpa depan, tak nampak macam orang yang baran. Dia cakap dengan saya pun okay polite. If my friend tu bukan my close friend, i will not know that guy punya behaviour macam tu. I think dia punya mental has been abused and I'm scared in future nanti kena abuse physical pula ke.. I know I'm wrong sebab sangka buruk but saya nak yang terbaik untuk kawan saya. Saya rasa macam aku ni kawan rapat dia takkan aku nak biarkan dia in this situation...

onexox97

Sebagai org kedekut kasih sayang suka lah sy bertanya apakah tujuan sebuah hubungan
Nescaya jawapan nya ialah sebuah kebahagiaan dan keamanan
Org baran mmg payah berubah
Kita je kena faham dia
Dia tanak faham kita
Dia dengan baran dia
Nak je jd mcm ZZ dengan ex laki dia
Sabar 20tahun

Iris.

Ur friend couple dengan narcissistic person and toxic
Nanti lama2 ur friend akan hilang self-esteem, confident dan depress
Elok tinggal terus... alaaa ngamuk tu sebulan 2,3 je.. kang lepas tu dia blah lah

cikbunga.

onexox97 replied at 13-1-2019 12:38 AM
Sebagai org kedekut kasih sayang suka lah sy bertanya apakah tujuan sebuah hubungan
Nescaya jawapan ...

Thank you onexox with your opinion. Really appreciate it. Saya suka jawapan awak tentang tujuan hubungan tu, saya akan slow2 cuba approach kawan saya dan suruh dia sedar yang dia patut move on juga dengan relationship dia. Saya harap dia ada kekuatan untuk tinggalkannya. Thank you so much!!

cikbunga.

Iris. replied at 13-1-2019 12:44 AM
Ur friend couple dengan narcissistic person and toxic
Nanti lama2 ur friend akan hilang self-esteem ...

If lelaki cakap yang they will hurt themselves, mereka memang betul2 maksudkan ke or hanya bercakap di mulut mengikut emosi? Thank you iris. I hope my friend have the guts la untuk tinggalkan.. Thank you again!

terma2nkondisi2

panas baran, suka maki2, kuat cemburu, abusive mentally emotionally....

bagi tempoh masa utk bersabar mingikut selama mana mental anda boleh bertahan dan dalam tempoh masa tu, teruskan usaha menasihatinya

kalau tak berubah jugak, blah je lerrr

Achubam

I rasa kalau laki tu sayang kawan u, he must feel guilty sbb dia panas baran etc. Mungkin ajak bincang, cari penyelesaian e.g. jumpa therapist ke

Kalau x jalan jugak.. Kenapa seksa diri...

Rogue98

Baran tu boleh ubah. I know this guy dia jadi seorang baran bila dia kahwin after few years. Dpd my observation dia jadi camtu sebab financial and pressures from the wife. Lelaki kalau ada masalah memang susah nak luahkan perasaan so they tend to get upset and take it out on their partners by getting angry and abusive. Ur friend did say her partner is a good man kan and their relationship dah 5 years. But the baran n abuse tu start from beginning or after that? Maybe first kena find out why dia jadi macam tu. Try get her to talk about it dengan partner dia. But if tak boleh then please leave him immediately and not wait for another 5 years ya. Good luck to her

ladybugz

Assalamualaikum TT, ive been in ur position before ths. Ade kwn yg bercinta dgn lelaki mcm ni. She is my bff. X mampu nk tgk die in tht kinda relationship. Dh berbagai cara sy cuba tp x mampu. Sampai lelaki tu maki hamun saya skali sbb cube nk pujuk my bff tu supaya end the relationship. Lastly, i had to make her choose sama ada nk teruskan friendship with me or nk teruskan relationship with tht horrible boy. And she chose tht man. We drifted apart, i felt so sad sbb i knew she would get hurt being with him. Bile dgr she got married with tht guy, i know one thg. Manusia ni jika dia x mau berubah nakkan sesuatu, there is nothg we can do except doakan yg terbaik utk dia. A couple of years later, ive heard my friend got STD from her husband. He was fooling around with multiple girls. Mase tu nk cerai pun payah sbb lelaki tu dah byk buat loan atas nama my bff n my bff yg duk bayar semua loan. He was abusive mentally n physically to her. Sampai skrg bertahun2 masih jd kes mahkamah. Nk bercerai pun makan masa sbb suami x bg kerjasama. She contacted me again n said how she wished she had listen to me before. So conclusion, Allah Maha Penyayang, dah diberi petunjuk yg jelas dan terang pada ur friend tentang keburukan lelaki tu tapi kalau die duk angau jugak kat lelaki tu, maknenye die ikut nafsu hati shj dan tak menghiraukan segala petunjuk yg telah diberi. Wallahualam

fealefea

Perempuan akan move on kalau jumpe laki yg lebih baik kalau pasangan die ni abusive. I pernah satu ofis dgn janda drug addict. Hari2 amok kat ofis. Moto n kete kene rosakkan. Org ofis pon takot oi. Ultimatenya akak tu kawen dgn x askar. Aman terosss.

cikbunga.

terma2nkondisi2 replied at 13-1-2019 01:42 AM
panas baran, suka maki2, kuat cemburu, abusive mentally emotionally....

bagi tempoh masa utk bers ...

InsyaAllah.. Thank you so much! Really appreciate it!.

cikbunga.

Achubam replied at 13-1-2019 02:12 AM
I rasa kalau laki tu sayang kawan u, he must feel guilty sbb dia panas baran etc. Mungkin ajak binca ...

Yes, that guy memang pernah rasa serba salah and even my friend tried to have a heart to heart discusssion but her partner argue susah ke nak terima kekurangan dia. So my friend jadi tak tahu nak buat apa. But, thank you so much for the suggestion about therapist tu!.

Iris.

Achubam replied at 12-1-2019 06:12 PM
I rasa kalau laki tu sayang kawan u, he must feel guilty sbb dia panas baran etc. Mungkin ajak binca ...

Panas baran bukan masalah mental.. itu attitude problem

cikbunga.

Rogue98 replied at 13-1-2019 06:29 AM
Baran tu boleh ubah. I know this guy dia jadi seorang baran bila dia kahwin after few years. Dpd my  ...

Baran started after a year of relationship maybe... I'm not sure about that sebab in the beginning of relationship my friend happy and very okay and slowly her attitude just changed. When i ask her, dia tak cakap apa2 and cakap she's fine but one day dia meraung menangis so mungkin dia need someone to talk so finally dia share. Her partner also kuat jealous, for example if she talk to a guy her partner pun mengamuk. The point is, saya just nak yang terbaik untuk dia so now saya dah approach dia slowly supaya dia buka minda tu end all of this. Thank you for your opinion. Really appreciate it!.

onexox97

cikbunga. replied at 13-1-2019 09:27 AM
Yes, that guy memang pernah rasa serba salah and even my friend tried to have a heart to heart dis ...

Hahaha saya boleh terima kekurangan tapi sy tak boleh terima org yang tanak berubah
Kalau boleh tetap kan kpi untuk keje
Kenapa xboleh ubah at

cikbunga.

ladybugz replied at 13-1-2019 07:39 AM
Assalamualaikum TT, ive been in ur position before ths. Ade kwn yg bercinta dgn lelaki mcm ni. She i ...

Oh my god, I don't have the strength like sis untuk suruh my friend choose our friendship or her partner. I'm sorry for what had happened to your friend. Better cegah awal2 kan sebelum terlambat sampai ke kahwin kan hmm... Thank you so much for your words! I really appreciate it!

cikbunga.

fealefea replied at 13-1-2019 09:19 AM
Perempuan akan move on kalau jumpe laki yg lebih baik kalau pasangan die ni abusive. I pernah satu o ...

Talking about a better partner, my friend cakap macam mana kalau dia end the relationship and then kita tak tahu in future tiba2 that guy totally berubah ke arah lebih baik but at that time the guy jumpa pengganti. So dia cakap if that happens dia akan sedih gila sebab dah la lelaki tu baik then dah berubah sadly bukan untuk dia. So she's afraid she cannot go through with it. I think dia terlalu jauh berfikir hahaha.