In laws interfering too much dalam relationship

SuriNate

Hurm ada tak yang phobia nak kahwin? Pernah terdetik nak settle down tapi macam marriage is too scary for me.

Maybe banyak sangat traumatizing events kot. Exes mostly okay but selalu dapat in laws yang fussy, intimidating dan cara hidup sangat berbeza. Iols jenis yang cant tolerate conventional parents in law yang kepo hal rumah tangga. Contoh: future mother in law asks berapa banyak savings dalam account. Bila nak beli rmh. Berapa increment this year what do we spend our money on.

Bagi iols hal duit is very private and personal. Even my mom tak pernah nak too details about my financial. Itu pun future MIL Asked through my current partner, behind my back. They decide too many things for my partner macam tak respect our capability as adults yang boleh buat keputusan sendiri.

FYI I’m 32. Old enough to be considered as an adults kot. My partner and I tak pernah gaduh we’re always happy together tapi bila ada in laws and his brother and sister masalah mula timbul.

As for now I banyak diam jer. Takut nak kawin sebab even belom kahwin pun in laws nampak sangat scary and control freak. I’m trying to be nice. My mom cakap if tak suka diam jer and try to tolerate. But i rasa i can tolerate but at the same time I think I deserve my own happiness. I love my partner but macam banyak sangat benda I tak suka about his family.

noraidil_06

Cari boyfren baru

mbhcsf

oh gosh, MIL mana nak tanya  private stuffs macam tu ?
can you not talk about it and  tell him taht you cannot  move on further with this kind of situation?

and yeah kalau you sanggup pikul kesannya , well..berterus terang

tapi wow, how about his socioeconomic status kay ke tak ? may be you have  the clues  there?

i mean  ade tak perlakuan MIL tu boleh dijelaskan denan fakta yg menyokong dia berkelakuan sedemikian?

weezerfan

Sila jgn kawen tt.. Tunggu inlaw meninggal baru kawen. Atau kau carik husband lain jah

myakayina

klu i sis..i cari org lain..belum nikah lagi tapi dah investigate mcm2.. dgn partner mmg la takde masalah kan..tapi takkan u tak berjumpa dgn in laws after kahwin nti..

Nana_Man

Skrg u bole tolerate... nanti dah kawin, u bole tolerate ke??

SuriNate

noraidil_06 replied at 21-1-2019 03:13 PM
Cari boyfren baru

Tapi sayang sangat dengan partner sekarang

SuriNate

mbhcsf replied at 21-1-2019 03:19 PM
oh gosh, MIL mana nak tanya  private stuffs macam tu ?
can you not talk about it and  tell him taht ...

Dah banyak kali bincang dengan partner pasal stuff ya boleh discuss dengan parents and yang boleh share between me and him jer. It’s been four years but macam takda perubahan. Family i jenis yang respect privacy etc family dia macam pelik  sikit i dont know how to explain. Macam kepo too much

SuriNate

weezerfan replied at 21-1-2019 03:43 PM
Sila jgn kawen tt.. Tunggu inlaw meninggal baru kawen. Atau kau carik husband lain jah

Pernah i terlanjur cakap how i wish i kawin dengan husband yang takda parents terus bf i ingat i sumpah parents dia huhuhuhu

SuriNate

myakayina replied at 21-1-2019 03:43 PM
klu i sis..i cari org lain..belum nikah lagi tapi dah investigate mcm2.. dgn partner mmg la takde ma ...

That’s why sebab even sekarang belom ada apa2 ikatan in laws macam nak conquer every single thing

SuriNate

Nana_Man replied at 21-1-2019 03:57 PM
Skrg u bole tolerate... nanti dah kawin, u bole tolerate ke??

That's what I thought ..my mom cakap benda sama..so me and partner plan nak tinggal jauh sikit so kurang lah impact..maybe migrate overseas if terpaksa sebab we both love each other cuma masalah in laws plus relatives

mbhcsf

SuriNate replied at 21-1-2019 04:16 PM
Dah banyak kali bincang dengan partner pasal stuff ya boleh discuss dengan parents and yang boleh  ...

family belah sana  tu secure ke financially and socioeconomic statuswise

sebab pada i , kalau secure, hal hal peribadi terlalu peribadi  macam ni ( i mean i am sure parents kita didik kita akan tegur benda mana boleh sembang dan tanya benda mana tak leh tanya kan) dibangkitkan ????

mbhcsf

SuriNate replied at 21-1-2019 04:18 PM
That's what I thought ..my mom cakap benda sama..so me and partner plan nak tinggal jauh sikit so  ...

i see,  understood.

SuriNate

mbhcsf replied at 21-1-2019 03:19 PM
oh gosh, MIL mana nak tanya  private stuffs macam tu ?
can you not talk about it and  tell him taht ...

Family dia okay working class tp partner i anak sulung and yang dikira anak yang baik juga lah harapan mak & ayah katanya... Adik dua orang lagi biasa2 jer macam spoil brat.. to make it worse adik dia benci sangat2 kat I sebab tak boleh terima abang dia ada new life sebab tak bagi dia duit dia mengada2 nak iphone uolsss and cakap2 macam2 pasal I. Out of nowhere...

SuriNate

mbhcsf replied at 21-1-2019 04:19 PM
family belah sana  tu secure ke financially and socioeconomic statuswise

sebab pada i , kalau s ...

Itu lah macam cara brought up family dia sangat berbeza with mine. I culture shock at first so I bagi peluang..monitor etc... kwan I pun ada theory sama yang they might be insecure...

Nana_Man

SuriNate replied at 21-1-2019 04:18 PM
That's what I thought ..my mom cakap benda sama..so me and partner plan nak tinggal jauh sikit so  ...

Kalau gitu, u kene make sure dah ada tempat tinggal yg jauh dari dorang sblm u nikah. Tak kira lah kat maner, tapi jgn smpi susahkn uolls nk gi keje lak.. And ur bf pun kene tegas dlm hal ni.

mbhcsf

SuriNate replied at 21-1-2019 04:21 PM
Family dia okay working class tp partner i anak sulung and yang dikira anak yang baik juga lah har ...

ok got the picture, the son and your lover is the  org harapan family dia , so dengan adanya you , depa takut you ambik kewangan hubby , itu sign of insecurity.

kalau macam ni , kalau u nak go on , senyum sajalah dan alah tak payah layan asalkan jika kalau kahwin itu nanti pepandailah hubby you main politik untuk justify atau you be a good ear wife untuk bantu depa jugak...

selalunya my friend yg engineer  yg ada berkahwin denga lelaki dari kelaurga  yg humble background  akan cuba jugak bantu belah hubby i mean she is a nice lady bless her.

so yeah...i understand now that these odd behaviours are stemmed from insecurities.

tak pelah sabar selagi boleh tapi if not then communicate ...

pikaiq pikiaq lah pepandai you both ...

mbhcsf

SuriNate replied at 21-1-2019 04:21 PM
Family dia okay working class tp partner i anak sulung and yang dikira anak yang baik juga lah har ...

i pun tak ada iphone  wow...

SuriNate

mbhcsf replied at 21-1-2019 04:42 PM
ok got the picture, the son and your lover is the  org harapan family dia , so dengan adanya you , ...

Thanks ya .. harap2 things will get better...

Nana_Man

SuriNate replied at 21-1-2019 04:21 PM
Family dia okay working class tp partner i anak sulung and yang dikira anak yang baik juga lah har ...

Ur partner ni, hati dia kene kental sikit. Bila nak kawin, dlm otak dia kene set yg income dia cume untk anak, isteri,rumah sendiri dan allowance ibu bapa jer. Adik beradik, kalau tak sakit atau cacat, sila support diri masing2. Mgkn if no choice, tolong untk hal sekolah jer. Kalau yg lain2, dorang pandai2 lah... mcm my SIL sendiri dulu dependent ngan my husband. Jd direct and indirectly, depan my husband, i will remind her, yg abg dia tu dah kawin dan ada anak2. Tanggungjawap my hubby lebih pada anak2. i mcm sensitive sikit pasal hal ni. Bkn tak kasi husband tolong, tapi pasal SIL sendiri perna bohong ngan my husband bile dia mintak duit dulu. Jd nak tknk, i kene very strict on this.