Edited by amandel at 24-5-2019 10:43 PM
When Relationships End In thebeginning, it's exciting. You can't wait to see your BF or GF — and it feelsamazing to know that he or she feels the same way. The happiness and excitementof a new relationship can overpower everything else Nothingstays new forever, though. Things change as couples get to know each otherbetter. Some people settle into a comfortable, close relationship. Othercouples drift apart. There arelots of different reasons why people break up. Growing apart is one. You might find that your interests, ideas,values, and feelings aren't as well matched as you thought they were. Changing your mind or your feelings about theother person is another. Perhaps you just don't enjoy being together.Maybe you argue or don't want the same thing. You might have developed feelingsfor someone else. Or maybe you've discovered you're just not interested inhaving a serious relationship right now. Mostpeople go through a break-up (or several break-ups) in their lives. Ifyou've ever been through it, you know it can be painful — even if it seems likeit's for the best.
Why Is Breaking Up So Hard to Do? If you'rethinking of breaking up with someone, you may have mixed feelings about it.After all, you got together for a reason. So it's normal to wonder: "Willthings get better?" "Should I give it another chance?""Will I regret this decision?" Breaking up isn't an easy decision.You may need to take time to think about it. Even ifyou feel sure of your decision, breaking up means having an awkward ordifficult conversation. The person you're breaking up with might feel hurt,disappointed, sad, rejected, or heartbroken. When you're the one ending therelationship, you probably want to do it in a way that is respectful andsensitive. You don't want the other person to be hurt — and you don't want tobe upset either.
Avoid It? Or Get it Over With? Somepeople avoid the unpleasant task of starting a difficult conversation. Othershave a "just-get-it-over-with" attitude. But neither of theseapproaches is the best one. Avoiding just prolongs the situation (and may endup hurting the other person more). And if you rush into a difficultconversation without thinking it through, you may say things you regret. Somethingin the middle works best: Think thingsthrough so you're clear with yourself on why you want to break up. Then act.
Break-up Do's and Don'ts Everysituation is different. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to breaking up.But there are some general "do's and don'ts" you can keep inmind as you start thinking about having that break-up conversation.
DO: - Think over what you want and why you want it. Take time to consider your feelings and the reasons for your decision. Be true to yourself. Even if the other person might be hurt by your decision, it's OK to do what's right for you. You just need to do it in a sensitive way.
- Think about what you'll say and how the other person might react. Will your BF or GF be surprised? Sad? Mad? Hurt? Or even relieved? Thinking about the other person's point of view and feelings can help you be sensitive. It also helps you prepare. Do you think the person you're breaking up with might cry? Lose his or her temper? How will you deal with that kind of reaction?
- Have good intentions. Let the other person know he or she matters to you. Think about the qualities you want to show toward the other person — like honesty, kindness, sensitivity, respect, and caring.
- Be honest — but not brutal. Tell the other person the things that attracted you in the first place, and what you like about him or her. Then say why you want to move on. "Honesty" doesn't mean "harsh." Don't pick apart the other person's qualities as a way to explain what's not working. Think of ways to be kind and gentle while still being honest.
- Say it in person. You've shared a lot with each other. Respect that (and show your good qualities) by breaking up in person. If you live far away, try to video chat or at least make a phone call. Breaking up through texting or Facebook may seem easy. But think about how you'd feel if your BF or GF did that to you — and what your friends would say about that person's character!
- If it helps, confide in someone you trust. It can help to talk through your feelings with a trusted friend. But be sure the person you confide in can keep it private until you have your actual break-up conversation with your BF or GF. Make sure your BF/GF hears it from you first — not from someone else. That's one reason why parents, older sisters or brothers, and other adults can be great to talk to. They're not going to blab or let it slip out accidentally.
DON'T: - Don't avoid the other person or the conversation you need to have. Dragging things out makes it harder in the long run — for you and your BF or GF. Plus, when people put things off, information can leak out anyway. You never want the person you're breaking up with to hear it from someone else before hearing it from you.
- Don't rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through. You may say things you regret.
- Don't disrespect. Speak about your ex (or soon-to-be ex) with respect. Be careful not to gossip or badmouth him or her. Think about how you'd feel. You'd want your ex to say only positive things about you after you're no longer together. Plus, you never know — your ex could turn into a friend or you might even rekindle a romance someday.
These"dos and don'ts" aren't just for break-ups. If someone asks youout but you're not really interested, you can follow the same guidelinesfor letting that person down gently.
Would You Break Up Like This?
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Post time 24-5-2019 08:35 PM
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