Insecure / kurang matang / kurang kasih sayang? Tolong!

autoure

Salam... sy ade beberapa kemusykilan mengenai my relationship with my fiancé of 2 months... sblm ni sy xpenah in any relationship before... we have been friends since secondary school tp we have never met or spoken to each other until last year... kiranya rekindled friendship on FB la... he proposed to me after several months of texting and a few dates.. there are a few things that is causing confusion for me or mungkin I ni terlalu insecure but I hope sume boleh bg sedikit pencerahan...

1) He has never openly puji/komen or liked any of my photos on FB tp has the courage to like or comment other pretty female work colleagues' punye gambar... I'm not looking for praises from him tp who are you engaged to??


2) Claims wedding preparations are expensive but has the freedom to attend social events yg jauhhhh gile and would happily prioritize meetings with friends e.g makan2, tgk wayang, shopping (read: spending unnecessarily pastu complain duit susah nk save)

3) Has never openly mentioned or introduced me to any of his friends... even dlm FB pun avoid stating his relationship status let alone discussing it...

4) Has never really shown his true emotions, express feeling or cares about me...

5) Rarely makes time for me... usually replies to my texts late in the evening and occasionally falls asleep while communicating... mcm I je yg beriya2...

All in all he is a really nice guy, polite, soft spoken but I never really "feel" the affections... bukan nk expect die go all out tp once in a while I feel jealous all my other friends have fiances yg nk shout it from the rooftops about their girls...

Die ni ramai gak admirers... and deep inside I always feel insecure because we both work far away from each other... but I pun xpenah show the affections because I pun takut if I show too much nnt makan hati plak... I do trust him but the trust only goes so far... and I don't feel like I can compare to his exes sbb sumenye extremely good looking, confident overachieving girls... I always pray semoga Allah mempermudahkan perjalanan ke arah pernikahan but deep inside I always feel like he is looking out for someone better... I never openly spoke to him or show my jealousy or distrust as I feel these are minute issues... tp it's slowly killing me deep inside...

Harapnye sume boleh bg your point of view... tq!

juita

nape bertunang ek?...TT dah kenal btul ke ngan tunang tuh!.....mak pak dia camner? adik badik camner?...lama ke tunang? ble nak langsung?......

me ada gak kenal laki jenis yg kalu kat tepon perghhhh cam leleh gitu tapi ble jmpa kat depan2 ek eleh! cam takder pape,takde fefeling gitu! kawan me penah kene...kalu tepon tak 2 jam tak sah tapi kalu cam jln ngan kengkawan,terserempak dia wat cam takde pape...saket tak hati!
dak laki tu yg rasa insecure rasanya takut terkuciwa kalu lelebih nanti.....tu yg buat cam takde pape jerk...last2 kawan me tuh kawen ngan urang laen..takdek jodoh...now memasing dah ada anak 3 4 orang kot!

autoure

Hehe ermm kenal pun xde kenal sangat2... bile jumpe pun kejap2 je... mcm masing2 xbrp nk mengetahui personaliti secara mendalam... die yg ajak kawen huhu... mak ayah die ok je, tp mak die cam ade pilihan lain tp still terima gak le... adik badik die ramaiiii huhu tp x jumpe sume lg... dh 2 bln tunang pastu hujung taun ni nk kawen insya Allah... huhu

Dlm dok sms selama ni pun mcm biasa2 je... xpenah call pun.. kalu dating pun 5-6x je dlm setahun... jdnye nk kenal lebih2 pun masing2 cam xberapa nk reveal...

prettyuglybabe

sila fikir masak-masak sebelum melangkah ke alam perkahwinan. lagi-lagi pulak nak jadi menantu bukan pilihan

siputsedut

me baca 1-3 tuh rasa biasa lagi...sebab sama je mcm my husband..mmg tak suka show affection kepada public...tp bila 4 ke 5 tuh..hmmmmmm...tt kene siasat lagi..kenali hati budi lg tunang tu..mcm something is not right..

farahferrari

we seems to have the same problem here. yg bezanya cume, mine, dia yang mintk sy jdik girlfriend dia, then dia buat mcm tu. hmm, i know how confused u r sbb smuanya nmpk mcm acuh x acuh kan?  i think u have to discuss with him betul2 untuk find out apa sebabnya dia mcm tu, pernikahan bukn untuk sekejap2.

fairy_fairy

Wow!! Is this some kind of a universal problem coz I am facing the same thing as well!! Dia yang beria nak kenal, bila dah dapat, he is very busy with work until I get confused, is he really my boyfriend or what. He doesn't have fb but asked me to change my status to in a relationship. Takut ada lelaki lain nak approach agaknya... Right now, macam dah tawar hati dengan dia

autoure

TQ sume for your replies...

Tu la, bukan ape... kekadang rasa mcm style nya nak bercinta lepas kawen kottt huhu (fikir positif) tp bile tgk org lain yg dh tunang pun sume excited nk tukar status (bukan niat nk menunjuk atau nak sebar) tp nampak jugak le komited dari segi tu... Entahla kekdg rasa malu pulak nak confront bebende mcm ni tp at some point mmg makan hati baik punya...

Kekdg bagi hint tp mcm x berapa nk lekat hint tu... xmo la nak mintak2 tunang utk tunjuk sayangnya especially dalam keadaan terpaksa... mcm x syok... tp betul jugak as what fairy_fairy and farahferrari ckp, kekdg ade gak rs mcm "eh kite ni sape skang ni?"... huhuhu

maybe sy pun x penah ade pengalaman being in a relationship but i'm sure he knows what to do... ramai gak kot ex-gf die... huhu maybe la kite ni x gah mcm exes die but if you picked me out of the crowd, i'm sure there's something about me that made you interested in the first place...

cara lain nk pikir positif, mungkin kalu die tunjuk sgt kasih sayang tu, jd bende lain plak kot hahahaha...

huhu mak and adik die penah la kata dorg berkenan kat ade sorg budak kg ni, tp my fiance ni xnak plak... hohoho

Innrukia

menarik......

sue_0684

Innrukia posted on 2-4-2013 07:38 PM
menarik......

apa yg menarik sis?..

x reti nk komen TT...cuma pikir masak2 lah,korek2 lg pasal dia..

pakwetizzaqyah

untung betul tunang ko tu..ramai admirer..aku ni langsung tk de admirer.... dah la..ko mintak putus tunang ngn dia..kasi dia malu..dah tu ko fitnah dia yg dia suka permainkan perempuan..gerenti jatuh saham dia... kah kah kah

aku rasa tunang ko ni mcm nk cuba tamatkan hubungan ko ngn dia je la..itu yg aku nampak...

autoure

Huhu tq2... Tu la, tgh pikir ni.... nk buat lg solat istikharah semoga dpt tanda yg betul2 jelas... xtau nk korek ape lg dh sis... huhu kalau korek pun, rsnya mungkin x ubah ape2... cume skang ni nk cari cara utk terus terang dgn die...

Innrukia

sue_0684 posted on 2-4-2013 08:56 PM
apa yg menarik sis?..

x reti nk komen TT...cuma pikir masak2 lah,korek2 lg pasal dia.. ...

Sebenarnya malas nak komen...tp nih secebis pendpt utk tt;

Talk to him, tell him all your concern. Yg bagusnya tt dah list down point. So memang senang la nk ckp kat si tunang.
Tgk respon/feedback si tunang. Then baru boleh buat decision. Ini keputusan seumur hidup so kena bijak buat tindakan. Kena bertenang, jgn buat tindakan dalam keadaan jiwa tak tenteram & keliru.

Then you have to make sure about your own feeling. Think about yourself. Istikharah, yes but jgn lupa berbincang/ communicate dgn si tunang.

Relationship bukan semata-mata lovey dovey things & feelings, tp lebih dari tu.

Good luck tt....

chazey

juita posted on 2-4-2013 12:48 PM
nape bertunang ek?...TT dah kenal btul ke ngan tunang tuh!.....mak pak dia camner? adik badik camner ...

aku penah buat gini; kalau call, tangkap leleh abis. cakap jiwang karat. telefon mesti berjam2. texting 24 hours.

tapi kalau aku jumpa dia depan2, aku jadi seperti manusia tiada perasaan sampai boyfie aku tu confuse kenapa aku boleh jadi manusia yang berlainan di luar dan di telefon

actually, aku tak cinta dia whole-heartedly. masalahnya, aku sudah buat seorang lelaki yang tutup hati untuk bercinta selama lima tahun sukakan aku. jadinya bukan mudah untuk lelaki tu lepaskan aku. syukur la selama ni dia sabar. sebab lama-kelamaan memang aku jatuh cinta gila2 ngan dia. tu pun amik masa 3 tahun.

so thread starter; i believe that the guy is not head over heels with you yet. but despair not. if you're meant for him, eventually he'll go crazy over you, especially when he realizes that he could not lose you. if not, go find someone else who will love you and appreciate you for who you are because you deserve the best.

autoure

Thanks uols...

Tp kalu die nk tamatkan, everyday still die keep in contact... so far, xpenah lg miss... ade la sehari dua, itupun die bz balik terus tdo katanya... bukan la nk exaggerate masalah sy ni, cume nk dapatkan perspektif drp org lain... sy ni anak tunggal, mungkin dh biasa dpt perhatian cume bukan nak kata sampai ke tahap manja tp x seronok bila kita appreciate someone esp bakal hubby mcm x setimpal dgn ape yg die tunjukkan...

Kalu nak putus pun, x patut lg kot sbb blm confront lg... mcm drastik sgt...

Memang nak sangat terus terang/communicate dgn tunang, tp takut2 bila dh confront, jadi berubah perspektif hubungan kami... huhu sy pun takut kehilangan dia at the same time.... skrg ni tgh pikir cemane nk bgtau kat die mcm tarik rambut dlm tepung.... huhuhu

UPDATE: Die nampak status dkt FB sy mcm semacammm je so die message2 pastu sy reply sepatah2 je... so die tanya ade pape yg die buat salah ke? huhu... terus kene ignore sampai esokk... huhu... still x ready nk confront...

chazey

autoure posted on 2-4-2013 11:23 PM
Thanks uols...

Tp kalu die nk tamatkan, everyday still die keep in contact... so far, xpenah lg m ...

hey, that shows he cares.

i take it as a good sign.

terus terang je la. nak diam2 buat apa2. lama2 dia lak geram ngan ko kalau ko sulk berpanjangan tanak cakap apa2 ngan dia dan mengharapkan dia untuk mengerti sendiri. lelaki bukan camtu. dia tau ko majuk, tapi selagi ko tak cakap pa2 dia takkan pujuk.

sue_0684

autoure posted on 2-4-2013 11:23 PM
Thanks uols...

Tp kalu die nk tamatkan, everyday still die keep in contact... so far, xpenah lg m ...

bagos tu TT..dia ada respons..so ms ni lah boleh confront....
jgn takot...if he meant for u,there's nothing happened..
maybe dua2 kena dngr luahan hati masing2..

itik_magic

manusia sumanya ada kelemahan.... jd mungkin itu kelemahan dia

kdg2 kita pk kita dh bgi terbaik mungkin...tp kenp dia x beri spt yg kita hrpkan...

yg seorg pulak pk aku dh bg yg terbaik...tp kena dia x reti2 nk faham.

akhirnya.....habislah satu hubungan.

nycest

tt cuba try cakap..
memang la segan...tapi cakap dgn berhemah..suara control..n paling best kalau ada efek air mata...

for me it does work..
sekarang nampak la ada effort sikit...bertahun kot duk explain benda yg sama..
hari tuh cakap balik, then dia cakap baru faham..
sebabnya sebelum ni dia kata tengah gaduh, tak paham pun..

dia still lagi dlm trial stage..so tak berani nak cakap apa sangat..
kdg2 dia buat balik perangai dia..aku tegur balik molek2..

anything yg aku tak puas hati, aku cakap je dengan dia..

tapi ku fikirkan manusia tak perfect..
selagi boleh tahan aku tahan..
duk pk panjang lagi nak amik another step in our relationship..

itik_magic

lelaki x kan pk pasal kekasih dia jer 24 jam... sbb bnyk bnda lain nk pk...


pk psl keje, pk psl keta, pk psl kluarga, pk psl mna nk mkn mlm ni, pk psl kwn2,pk mna le nk carik duit ni, bila dh letih pk...pk psl tdo je ler......