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View: 7422|Reply: 33

aku nak settle down but how to make the move?

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Post time 6-5-2014 03:24 AM | Show all posts |Read mode
Salam uols,

di sini aku nak minta pandangan dan ajukan serba sikit suggestion utk 'masalah' aku ni.

kisahnya begini. awal tahun ni aku ada kenal dgn sorang lelaki dari dating site. Aku bukak akaun ni lepas selepas setahun aku single. Lets call him Emi. Dia ni Singaporean. I actually had bad experience with Singaporean ex-bf. So mula2 aku casually cakap dgn dia I don't think I can afford to be in yet another long distance relationship.

Dipendekkan cite, aku ada hal pegi Singapore last March pastu I had the chance to meet up with him. So eventually we became really close and akhirnya terjadilah gf dan bf lol. so now dua2 dah tutup akaun dating site ittew.

I can see that dia mmg tunjuk effort utk perhubungan ni. Bila aku kata pasal long distance, dia try nak 'dekat'kan dgn berjumpa almost every week. kadang dia datang sini. kadang aku pegi sana. dan dia tunjuk gentleman dia dgn meng'support' segala expenses serta tambahan yg lain.

Dari segi umur dan pekerjaan I don't think he has any financial issues. which means anytime dia mmg dah ready pun. dia pun mmg ada bagitahu aku dia nak settle down. and he has been asking me a lot of questions yg membabitkan hal rumahtangga. selain tu dia nampak mcm thoroughly check my background (dia siap google aku LOL..siap google boss2 tempat aku keja LOL) pastu betul2 amik tahu segala aspek tentang diri aku. so far takda masalah.

kitorang jumpa agak kerap so dia beberapa kali tanya jugak adakah aku selesa dgn pace skrg. aku kata aku selesa. cuma aku blom bagitahu dia yg aku rasa there's no point kalau jumpa kerap2 tapi tak ke mana. telefon pun hari2 2-3 jam. of course mmg kalau diikutkan masih awal. but then aku dah penat nak date2 bagai ni. previous relationship aku lasted for almost 3 years. letih. aku fikirkan ni lebih2 lagi anak aku dah start bonding dgn dia (to those who don't know, aku ni janda anak 1..anak aku skrg umur dah 5 tahun dan aku berpisah dgn ex-hb sejak Dec 2009)

so far setakat ni yg bukak mulut soal kawin dsb ni mmg dia je lah. I mean not really proposing. Just tanya2 aku soalan2 berbentuk scenario contohnya mcm kalau ditakdirkan aku kawin dgn dia sanggup tak aku pindah ke Singapore etc. dia siap kirimkan kt aku buah tangan utk sampaikan kt parents aku. so yeah probably my family pun dah guessing but I avoided their questions by just saying it was from a friend. aku mcm tak berani nk kenalkan kt family aku buat masa ni sebabkan pengalaman buruk aku sblm ni.

dari segi agama, dia ni mcm kurang sikit knowledge..singaporean kn macam limited sikit. so aku yg begini pun kira helped him to explain la this and that about religion (aku dulu rajin baca kitab dan ex-hb aku dulu bekas ustaz hehe) tapi dia rajin la solat & tiap2 khamis mlm jumaat pegi la masjid join ratib dsb. he made this a point sbb dia kata sblm umur 40 dia mesti nak berubah dan ada routine hidup beragama. skrg umo dia nak masuk 38 dan aku 28. currently dia stay dgn parents & adik lelaki dia kt umah dia. mak dia pun mcm monitor dia lol...keluar jalan2 pun mak dia call dan dia akan report pergerakan dia depan aku. only thing is dia blom bgtahu dia ada gf.

skrg ni aku mcm risau2 je lah...aku nak settle down cepat2 senang kepala aku x pening nak memikir lol... aku actually boleh jadi straight forward tapi aku ada sikit masalah utk be more tactful. aku nak hint tp tak nak nampak mcm too obvious. aku ni egois gak kira lol padahal dlm hati membuak-buak..

I have been very honest with him in everything except for the brief scandal I had with my big boss where I'm working right now. I don't think it will be a good idea to tell him about that..well I did la told him we were once close..pastu dia mcm jealous2 sikit la bila dpt tau yg my big boss still 'pestering' me..I did not entertain the idea of my big boss nak kawin dgn aku..bab tu aku tak bgtahu Emi.. tapi takpe lah at least he accepted the fact that I already moved on and dah ada bf yakni si Emi...people make mistakes. I myself made several mistakes. aku dgn Emi pun takde la suci bagai bawah lindungan ka'abah pun. kita pun masing2 ada history.

so yeah I guess kitorang dah lepasi fasa mengenal antara satu sama lain? tp mcm mana nak convince dia yg aku nak jumpa parents dia? we have been talking a lot about our families so basically aku dah tahu serba sikit how his family members are.










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Post time 6-5-2014 03:50 AM | Show all posts
I think better he make the move first. Or maybe you can ask him. Nothing wrong there. Kalau rasa hesitant bout this relationship boleh je end it. Kalau rasa he is the guy, btter pergi kenal ngan family dia dulu and bawa dia jumpa family tengok both side cakap apa.
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Post time 6-5-2014 07:21 AM | Show all posts
orang dah lama idup,kadang xboleh buat keputusan,pelik?orang yang kental,dia sendiri fikir dan laksanakan.dah tu sana nak sini pun nak..
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Post time 6-5-2014 07:47 AM From the mobile phone | Show all posts
Hi tt
Nmpak sgt uols dh ada experience dgn last relationship, mira rasa its ok if u make 1st move memandangkn hint2 dia dh bg. But semuga bergantung pd uols. Umo dia pn dh cantik sgt tuk settle down..just pray to Allah n wat solat istiharahkn ( uols know better right )..just to see je sama ade he's the one.
All the best ya Last edited by amiraira on 6-5-2014 07:48 AM

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Post time 6-5-2014 03:09 PM | Show all posts
As Salam.....straight to the point la....tanya terus bila dia nak masuk meminang...bila nak nikah...mana nak duduk...ko kena berhenti keje ke tak..???

dia sbg lelaki dia kena decide...ko sbg perempuan ko kena tanya dan bagi sajesion kalau dia minta...

Selamat Berbahagia...
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Post time 7-5-2014 09:19 AM | Show all posts
setuju dengan akula203. sebab dia pun dah ada sebut-sebut, tanya je bila nak masuk meminang. kalau segan, buat2lah konon2 time tengah berseloroh. hehe good luck!
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Post time 8-5-2014 11:06 PM | Show all posts
I, as the perigi, will chase the timba if I were you.

Go go fighting!
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Post time 9-5-2014 03:49 PM | Show all posts
mintak org2 tua berdekatan beliau spt makcik pakcik sibling kasi bising
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Post time 11-5-2014 01:16 AM | Show all posts
Selamat berbahagia......

Tanya aje bila kita nk nikah bang?
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Post time 12-5-2014 10:01 PM | Show all posts
best kawan dengan orang singapore ni...boleh terima kritikan dan fikiran agak progresif....mungkin sebab melayu singapore ni masyarakat urban kot...tinggal dekat bandaraya global....ni berdasarkan orang2 singapore yang saya kenal la....
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 Author| Post time 14-5-2014 05:01 PM | Show all posts
aaaaa aku ada berita sedih

apparently dia tu laki org...tapi bini dia kt Jakarta....been married for almost 10 years... tapi dia kata skrg live separately... takde masalah..cuma dia takda anak dan nak anak...bini xleh conceive katanya...

abis aku tanya dia kenapa dia x bagitau awal2..dia jawab dia nak tunjuk kt aku lifestyle dia yg hidup mcm org 'bujang' dulu... then  bila dah serious baru jalankan step2 yg lain.. abis skrg dia kata dia mmg btol sayangkan aku dan nak serious dgn aku...

aaaaaaaaa aku blurrrrr
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Post time 15-5-2014 10:07 AM | Show all posts
mynameisdot posted on 14-5-2014 05:01 PM
aaaaa aku ada berita sedih

apparently dia tu laki org...tapi bini dia kt Jakarta....been marr ...

what???????

agaknya yang selalu call dia tu bukan mak dia la tapi bini dia kot.

kalau ikut pengalaman la, kalau jenis lelaki yg tak berterus terang ni susah skit nak di buat laki. wallahualam.

apa yg dia bgtau tu pun ntah betul ntah tidak.
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Post time 15-5-2014 05:43 PM | Show all posts
PULAK..BARU BACE MCM BEST...TP MCM NIE LAK...

SO TT BG PELUANG X?
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 Author| Post time 15-5-2014 10:09 PM | Show all posts
itik_kuning posted on 15-5-2014 10:07 AM
what???????

agaknya yang selalu call dia tu bukan mak dia la tapi bini dia kot.

ntah la...tp dalam perbualan phone dia panggil "mak"?
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 Author| Post time 15-5-2014 10:09 PM | Show all posts
c0mby posted on 15-5-2014 05:43 PM
PULAK..BARU BACE MCM BEST...TP MCM NIE LAK...

SO TT BG PELUANG X?

tgh blur sebenarnya..tp akuk ada bgtahu dia kalau btol nak serious kasi aku jumpa bini dia dulu.
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Post time 16-5-2014 03:42 AM | Show all posts
Mengingatkan aku dgn kes bos aku, Singaporean, dia buka cawangan di Malaysia dan sgt-sgt baik dgn aku. Sgt best dgn Melayu Singapore yg urban tapi solat tetap no 1. Kami semua dah tahu dia ada isteri yg kerja bagus juga di Singapore, selalu dengar dia berborak dgn wife dia tapi bila business makin bagus, dia makin sibuk sampaikan lupa nak balik Sin. Kawan aku yg terjatuh hati dekat dia siang jaga bos dlm opis, malam mengekor dgn bos ke hulu ke hilir, boleh sewa bilik sebelah opis jah, senang nak tanya khabar...ekkekkekek.

Bila mak bapa kawan aku tu dah mula bising sbb dah ke hulu ke hilir usung anak dara org, bos aku terpaksa cerita kat wife dia, dia org nikah dah 11 tahun tapi tak ada anak. Bincang punya bincang, last-last dia org buat keputusan nak bercerai tapi tetap jadi kawan baik. Kahwinlah bos aku dgn kawan aku tu. Ex wife tu kahwin dgn org lain, kenalan bos aku juga dan berhijrah ke Jeddah ikut suami. Di sanalah wife dia preggy buat pertama kali. Terkejut beruk bos ku...Lepas beberapa bulan kemudian kawan aku pulak preggy...herankan? Itulah kuasa Tuhan. Yg sedihnya masa kawan aku hampir nak beranak bos aku kemalangan masa tgh kerja di Indon, dan meninggal. Exwife dan family dia org kat Singapore yg bantu uruskan jenazah sbb kawan aku tak mampu buat apa-apa dah...Mmg dah tertulis dia akan dimakamkan di tanah Malaysia.

Berbincanglah baik-baik TT, kalau kita serahkan urusan ini kepada Yg Maha Esa insyaAllah niat yg baik akan Allah permudahkan.
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Post time 16-5-2014 10:09 AM | Show all posts
cmf_blingblings posted on 16-5-2014 03:42 AM
Mengingatkan aku dgn kes bos aku, Singaporean, dia buka cawangan di Malaysia dan sgt-sgt baik dgn ak ...

besarnya kuasa Allah.

semua dah ditakdirkan.
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 Author| Post time 17-5-2014 11:29 PM | Show all posts
cmf_blingblings posted on 16-5-2014 03:42 AM
Mengingatkan aku dgn kes bos aku, Singaporean, dia buka cawangan di Malaysia dan sgt-sgt baik dgn ak ...

uhuhuh sedihnya cerita
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Post time 19-5-2014 01:31 PM | Show all posts
mynameisdot posted on 14-5-2014 05:01 PM
aaaaa aku ada berita sedih

apparently dia tu laki org...tapi bini dia kt Jakarta....been marr ...

kalau macam tu no comment la...pilihan hidup masing2...wife dia indonesian ke??? jaga2 jangan sampai kena mandrem...
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 Author| Post time 19-5-2014 03:32 PM | Show all posts
nanacinta posted on 19-5-2014 01:31 PM
kalau macam tu no comment la...pilihan hidup masing2...wife dia indonesian ke??? jaga2 jangan samp ...

hah tu lah...mcm2 dalam kepala ni...tapi kalau dah kaki mandrem tak payah tunggu indon pun...
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