How to Decide if Your Friend is a TRUE FRIEND?

manjalara_01

If you're having trouble deciding whether your friend is a true friend, then your relationship must already be rocky. If you want to decide whether your friend is in the friendship for the right reasons, you have to pay attention to what they say, what they do, and how they make you feel. Just follow these easy tips and you'll know the truth.

Part 1 of 3: Notice what your friend says



1
See if your friend makes supportive comments. A true friend should make you feel needed, confident, and better about being alive. If your friend is always putting you down or making you feel worthless and never give you a kind word when you need it, then that friend is not true blue. If you want to know if your friend is a good friend, see if they make comments that encourage you.

• See if your friend compliments you. If your friend gives you genuine compliments from everything from your new outfit to your work ethic, then that friend is a good friend. If you can't remember the last time your friend complimented you, you may have a problem.
• See if your friend encourages you. If your friend encourages you before a test, job interview, or even a first date, then that friend is a true friend. If your friend never gives you positive support, even when you need it, then you may have a problem.
• See if your friend is your cheerleader. Though your friend doesn't have toalways cheer you on, if your friend is a good friend, then they should be your fan and should always root for you to succeed, no matter what you do.
  

2
See if your friend listens to you. If your friend is a true friend, then she/he should take the time to listen to what you have to say. In a true friendship, both people should be sharing their thoughts and getting feedback. If you find that your friend is always talking about his/her problems, but is bored or distracted as soon as it's time for you to share yours, then you may have a false friend on your hands. Here are some signs that your friend needs to brush up on his/her listening skills:

• Notice how your friend reacts when you try to share something. If they nod, maintain eye contact, and support you, then they are a good friend. However, if they're looking around the room or checking their phone every time you talk for more than five minutes, then you have a bad friend on your hands.
• Notice if your friend remembers what you say. A good friend will remember what you tell them, especially if it's something important. Your friend might have looked like they were listening when you told them something, but if they have no recollection of the time you told them you were thinking of applying to law school or telling your close friend that you have feelings for them, then they were probably never listening to begin with.
• Notice who does most of the talking. In an ideal friendship, both friends should roughly share the same amount. If you feel like you are always the one listening to your friend's problems, then you're not getting your fair share of the friendship.
  

3See if your friend communicates with you. Communication is key in any relationship, especially a friendship. If you and your friend are on the same page, then you should be open about your thoughts and feelings and maintain a level of honest and open dialogue. Here are some ways to see if you and your friend are communicating:

• If you feel like you can easily share your thoughts and feelings with your friend. If your friend know what's going on in your life and you feel comfortable talking about it and being honest, you're in good hands. If you feel afraid to tell your friend how you feel because you're afraid they'll disapprove or be angry, then you're not communicating.
• If you feel like you know what your friend is thinking and feeling, then your communication is strong. If your friend surprises you with how they're feeling, or shares their feelings with everyone but you, then you have a problem.
• If you know how to have a mature talk when you're unhappy with how your friend acted, then you have strong communication. If you and your friend are comfortable with saying, "Hey, I was really hurt that you didn't come to my party the other night" and talking about it, then you have a strong friendship. No friendship is perfect and it's important to talk things out.
• If you never say anything when your friend upsets you because you think your friend will overreact or not listen, then you have a problem.
  

4
See if your friend loves to gossip a little too much. If your so-called friend is a big gossip, then it's likely that your friend is gossiping about you when you're not around. Though everyone loves some juicy gossip occasionally, if you feel like your friend is always gossiping about someone or talking trash, then chances are, your "friend" will do the same as soon as your back is turned. Here are some ways to know if your friend's gossiping is out of control:

• If your friend talks about someone as soon as that person turns around, then the friend is probably not a good friend.
• If your friend routinely talks about people they claim to be their closest friends, then they must be doing it about you.
• If your friend is always saying negative things about everyone who isn't around, then this is a bad sign.
• If you know that your friend has gossiped or trash talked about you, especially on multiple occasions, then your friend is not a true friend.
  

manjalara_01

Part 2 of 3: Notice what your friend does



1
See if your friend makes time for you. A true friend will make time for you no matter what. Though life is hectic and it's hard to have enough time to sleep and eat, let alone socialize, a true friend will always make time for you, especially if you need it. Here's how to know if your friend truly cares about making time for you:

• If your friend is good about scheduling phone dates, lunch dates, or dinner dates and always follows through, then you have a good friend.
• If your friend never makes time for you, always complains about how life has been "crazy busy," and expects you to work around their schedule every time, then you have a problem.
• If your friend seems to make plenty of time for their significant other and five other friends, but never you, then you are a last priority.
• Your friend could be going through a busy period in their life, and that's okay. But if your friend is always too busy to hang out, then they must not value your time together.
  

2
See if you have a 50/50 friendship. In an ideal friendship, both people put the same amount of effort into the relationship, whether it's communication, making the time to hang out, or just helping each other out weekly through small or large gestures. If you're giving your all to the friendship, then your friend should be reciprocating. Here's how to know if you're both pulling your weight in the friendship:

• See if you both show affection. Though not everyone is a hugger, if you give your friend a hug, they should hug you back and initiate a hug.
• If you feel like you spend a roughly equal amount of time supporting each other, then you have a solid friendship. Though one of you may be going through a rough patch, overall, you should spend an equal time cheering each other on. If you feel like you're always trying to make your friend feel better but are getting nothing back, then you have a problem.
• If you both help each other out equally, then you have a good friendship. Maybe you took notes for your friend when they broke their hand, and they returned the favor by treating you to dinner and a movie and getting you tickets to your favorite concert. Whatever you're doing for your friend, you have to make sure they're helping you out, too.
• If you both make a similar effort to hang out, talk on the phone, and get in touch, then you have a good friendship. If you feel like you're always the one who tries to hang out or chat on the phone and your friend never asks to hang out, then you have a problem.
  

3
See if your friend sticks to their word. A flake is not a friend. If your friend never seems to do what they say they'll do, leaves you stranded, or forgets about plans you've made, then you have a flake on your hands. Though it's okay to waver occasionally, if your friend never seems to do what they says they'll do, then they don't value your time or company. Here's how to know if your friend is a flake:

• If your friend bails on you more often than not then your friend is a true flake and should be avoided.
• If you always feel like your friend is wishy-washy about making plans and is never fully committed to anything they say they'll do, then they are a flake.
• If your friend flakes on you on any occasion, even if it's important, then you have a problem. Though bailing on you to go to the movies is annoying enough, if your friend leaves you stranded on what was supposed to be a double date, or flakes when you needed a ride to your basketball game, then you have a major problem.
  

Part 2 of 3: Notice what your friend does


4
See if your friend might have other reasons for being your friend. This soul-searching is particularly hard to do, but it's important. Take the time to reflect on why your friend might want to hang out with you other than just because they value you as a person and enjoy your friendship. Here are some classic reasons why a fake friend might latch on to you:

• Popularity. If you're much more popular than your friend and your friend latches on to you to get closer to the in-crowd, then you have a problem.
• Convenience. Your "friend" may only be hanging out with you because you give your friend a ride to school or let them copy your notes.
• Boredom. Your friend may be hanging out with you just because they have nothing better to do. You'll be able to recognize this because your "friend" may ditch you as soon as they find a new friend or group of friends, or even a significant other.
  

manjalara_01

Part 3 of 3: Notice how your friend makes you feel



1
See if your friend makes you feel good about yourself. Your friend should be there for you no matter what, and should therefore make you feel better about who you are and the decisions you make. Your friend doesn't have to agree with everything you've done, but your friendship should make you feel good about who you are as a person overall. Here's how to know if your friend makes you feel good about who you are:

• If you leave a hang-out session with your friend feeling invigorated, excited, or just giggling from the silly time you shared, then you're benefiting from the friendship. If every time you say goodbye to your friend, you feel like you made a mistake, upset your friend, or like you're a worse person, then you have a problem.
• If your friend is putting you down to make themself feel better, then you have a problem. If your friend makes you feel bad by making snide comments about your looks, your weight, or your grades, then that friend isn't a true friend.
• If your friend makes you feel good about your good or brave decisions, or sympathizes with you over your bad decisions, then you have a true friend. A true friend should support you even more when you've made a mistake instead of making you feel worse.
  

2
See if your friend makes you feel valuable. If being involved in a friendship with your "friend" makes you feel uncertain of your importance in your friend's life, then you have a problem. While a friend shouldn't coddle you with lies, a true friend should always make you feel needed, important, and even indispensable. Here's how to know if your friend makes you feel needed:

• See if your friend expresses gratitude for things you've done, thanks you regularly for helping them out, and appreciates what you've done for them. A true friend is grateful for your help; a bad friend doesn't thank you because they just take you for granted.
• See if your friend values your judgment and opinions. If your friend cares about you and thinks you're an important part of their life, then they will ask for your advice and opinions. If your friend never cares what you think about anything, whether it's which movie you should rent that weekend or their decision to find a new roommate, then you have a problem.
• See if your friend is genuinely excited by your presence. If you show up to a social event and your friend hugs you, talks to you, and says they're glad you came, then they're being a good friend. If you show up somewhere and your friend barely says hello or flat-out ignores you for "cooler" people, then you have a problem.
  

3
See if your friend makes you feel happy to be hanging out. This is an important one. Friendship is about making you feel less alone and to enjoy life even more, and it shouldn't make you feel less excited about the world. If you're actually less happy hanging out with your friend than you are when you're alone, then you have a problem. Here are some signs that your friend makes it hard for you to spend time with them:

• If you don't look forward to hanging out with your friend because all they do is talk about themself and use you as a follower, then you have a problem.
• If you don't like hanging out with your friend when you're with other friends, family, or your significant other because they just can't get with anyone, then you have a problem.
• If you don't like hanging out with your friend because you just don't feel stimulated, excited, or engaged with the friendship, then you have a problem.
• Every person has a rough patch. You may not have as much fun hanging out with your friend when they're dealing with a tough breakup, but if you feel like your friend is always going through a crisis and you can't enjoy yourself because you're too busy picking up the pieces, then you have a problem. You're a friend, not a box of tissues.
• Remember to go with your gut. If you're even questioning whether your friend is a true friend or not, then there's a good chance there's a major problem in your relationship. No relationship is perfect, and bumps are bound to happen, but be realistic.
  

4
Follow your instincts. If you have a feeling that your "friend" isn't acting as such, that you listen to what they say but when you start talking they don't seem to care, then maybe it's time to move on. Even if you've known them for years, maybe it's time to take a break and take a step back to think about what you want to do. Always listen to yourself, because your instincts about a relationship are usually right.

wds

Nak tahu mana betul2 kawan ialah yang boleh tolong secara ikhlas semasa kita susah. Sekarang ni aku ada 2 kawan dalam kategori sahabat baik iaitu David (Cina) dan Charles (India). Mereka ni lulus ujian yang aku bagi di mana aku menyamar sebagai orang susah dan mintak tolong dari diorang. Mereka tolong tanpa cakap banyak dan bagi pinjam duit tanpa bertanya bila nak bayar. Tinggal sorang lagi (Melayu) aku nak uji cuma tunggu masa yang sesuai je.

Insyaallah jika aku kaya, aku pasti akan kongsi kekayaan aku dengan sahabat baik aku ini.

manjalara_01

wds posted on 20-12-2014 11:17 PM
Nak tahu mana betul2 kawan ialah yang boleh tolong secara ikhlas semasa kita susah. Sekarang ni aku  ...

pd manja...dlm suatu persahabatan tu perlu ade:

1- keikhlasan
2- kejujuran
3- semangat setia kawan
4- keserasian
5- susah senang sama2...

yg #5 tu..susah senang..kite citer part susah saje...

ade byk peringat/level susah ni....ade level yg kite perlukan bantuan $$..dari kawan2...
ade pulak..time kite baru break up...so perlukan sokongan moral...

tp....selagi suatu persahabatan tu x duji dgn sesuatu yg berat..."the ultimate ujian"
kite x kan tahu...siape antara kawan2 kite kaca atau permata....

contohnye..kite kena Aids...atau...kite dituduh melakukan suatu jenayah..sampai terkluar dlm newspaper/tv...
cheng3....masa ni la...kite akan benar2 tahu..siape antara kawan2 kite...adalah kawan yg sejati...aka TRUE FRIENDs...

kucingkecik

Susah nk jumpa betul2 kwn sejati..

Johnyblaze87

Nk hilang kawan lg senang. Bagi pinjam duit.

manjalara_01

Johnyblaze87 posted on 21-12-2014 08:38 PM
Nk hilang kawan lg senang. Bagi pinjam duit.

ahahah....so true.. atau pun kite yg mintak pinjam..duit...

izatihatiku

bila ada masalah , pasti bantu....dan sll concern masalah sy dah selesai tak? ini memang so touch!

manjalara_01

izatihatiku replied at 4-1-2015 10:32 AM
bila ada masalah , pasti bantu....dan sll concern masalah sy dah selesai tak? ini memang so touch!

touching and caring

sr_kila

bagi saya, nk tgok kawan tu true friend or x, try wat silap n tgok apa reaksi dia.. kalo dia tegor dgn baik n xlari dari saya, insyaAllah.. ok kot..

and satu ag, tgok time kita susah.. apa yg dia buat.. =)

cpixie

senang je, tengok apa kawan kita buat kalau kita dalam kesusahan.