Writer's Blog (merged with Tok_Batin)

OnEdge

saja nak kongsi something Edge punya sis tulis kat blog dia...dia nih penulis sambilan...sapa nak baca sila standby tisu paper eh...

Thursday, June 17, 2004
A Requiem
On the day the earth, the moon and the sun were aligned, you died.

You woke up that morning, prayed, took your bath, laid your false teeth on the bedside table, laid down on our bed, and went away quietly. Everyone said you knew. You were 84 years old.

And now I am here, in this empty house, filled with our children and their children, filled with the furniture you carefully selected, filled with your pictures, your clothes, your glasses, your violin. The house is full. The house is empty.

This house had had its share of guests. They came for weddings, for the birth of a baby, for Hari Raya celebrations and now, for a funeral. And many guests came for three consecutive nights to read the Yaasin for you. People who knew of your illness and meant to visit but never could find the time. People who didn't know and didn't hear from you for years. People we forgot we knew, people we worked with but had to leave, people we were related to by blood but stayed away because of some petty argument. They all came too late. All eager to throw their pity on me. To ask me how I am, to ask me how you died, to tell me they were sorry, to try to reassure me when all I wanted was your voice, your face, your hands.

I watched as they wrapped you in cotton, in folds of white cloth and they tied you up. You looked so small. I smelled the rose water they sprinkled all over you and longed for the smell of the aftershave you were so fond of. I watched as my grandchildren, our grandchildren, lined up to kiss your face for the last time. I watched our grown sons wipe away their tears as they bent low to murmur their apologies in your covered ears, to kiss your cheeks and stroke your head. Many years ago, it was you who wiped their tears, who stroked their head, who kissed their chubby cheeks. I watched our daughters sob in the arms of their husbands, their little girls tugging on their mother's dress, uncomprehending of what the men were doing to their grandfather.

The women crowded around me, whispering to me, telling me to be patient, telling me that it was your time, that it was God's will, that you went away peacefully. I smiled and nodded. You would have been proud of my restraint. You would have known, just by looking at my face, that all I wanted to do was scream at them and lock myself in the bedroom. Our bedroom. You would have known how to cheer me up.

They prayed for your soul before they buried you. I was not allowed to go. I don't know if I want to see where you were buried. I don't know if I could stand watching my sons, our sons, throw dirt onto your covered body. They told me there's a big tree next to your grave, that its branches leaned towards you, shading your resting place. Of this I am glad. You never did like the hot sun.

That night it rained. People talked of floods, of great storms. I wondered if you could feel the rain where you are. I wondered if you could hear the wind. I wondered if you could hear the people in the house, speaking so fondly of you, retelling stories of all the things you did while you were alive. I wondered if you could hear me.

People say that if a person knew he was about to die, that means he had a relatively good life. You knew and you didn't tell me. Perhaps you couldn't, perhaps you didn't want me to worry. After all, how could I ever prevent it from taking place? I tried to remember everything you did and said to me before you went, perhaps there were some hidden message, some signal you tried to give me. But I am old. The mind falters at recent things and clings stubbornly to moments that occured twenty years past when we were happier.

I knew this day would come. I knew you would be the first to leave. And yet, I was not prepared. They took me to the hospital that night, and I half-wished that I could die right there and then. But that would have been too much for our children to bear. I remember what you said.

So here I am. Everyone has left. One of our daughters wants to bring me home so I won't be so lonely. She doesn't know that loneliness had already claimed me the morning you died. I suppose I have to put on a brave face. Always think of the children, you said. Very well. But I will be waiting for the day when the sun, the moon and the earth will be aligned again. Perhaps, then, you and I will be reunited.

First draft: October 10th 2002

dia pakai blog dia untuk publish writings dia...cerita cerita pendek lain boleh dibaca di http://ecrivezjuste.blogspot.com

[ Last edited by seribulan on 9-7-2004 at 03:38 PM ]

seribulan

besh la, Edge...tq...ada gak buat Blog dulu..pastu lupa password..hampehs ..tak leh bukak...

seribulan

nih Ako Mustapha punya...dari bod Celebrities...

Petikan dari blog Ako Mustapha

...Did a lot of shoots since last update. In December, shot "Gangsters" and did some small appearances for tv dramas. January, shot a terribly produced drama called "Anak Malaynium", which was a shame though as it had a good concept and story. They made me very angry as I informed them from the start that I wanted to take the whole month of feb off but they overran by a week and didn't even compensate me for it.

March, appeared in some episodes of "Celebrity Squares" and "Ah-Ha". Both programs made me very, very nervous as I don't know how to be funny on screen. I mean I know I can be funny, but it doesn't happen when I want it to, ya know? The whole time I was thinking I have to come up with something funny. I have to come up with something funny, but my mind was blank.

When Harith asked me if I had any ideas, I started laughing and told him no. I think doing comedy is very bad for your health. I also shot "Ampang Park / KLCC", I'm excited to see this one. I didn't realise it, until I went to do some dubbing for editing, but I came up with a really nice character. In April, the 30 day very disorganized and unreliable shooting of "Sephia"....

On Septeember 13, 2002: Ako wrote:

....Started dating a girl. Leina. Cute. From Tawau....

On May 25, 2002: Ako wrote:

...The first day of the shoot was in a kampung-ish area. Looked more like low cost housing. The population there consisted of so many kids from about 1 1/2 years to about mid teens. There was alot.

At first they were fascinated with the equipment and the crew setting up the set. Then they see me and just stare. And then the next thing I hear is, "Bunga!", "Orkid lah!", "Boleh mintak kentang goreng sikit?" I couldn't help but smile at them....

On September 30, 2003, selepas penggambaran VCD Cinta Tiga Musim, Ako wrote:

...So many things have happened between japan and today. Don't know how to summarize also. When I was in japan I managed to go out on a date with two japanese girls. I think one of them has really taken to me as she wants to come out here to visit me...

sherrina

I wonder ada ke artis2 lain yg blogging selain Ako?

seribulan

May 21/04...

Tired. Driving from Perak and moving things to my new nest. Forumming a bit. Moderating a lot.

Starting my course tomorrow. What should I do tonight?

tictactoe

Originally posted by sherrina at 21-6-2004 10:41 AM:
I wonder ada ke artis2 lain yg blogging selain Ako?

linda onn...

http://www.lindaonn.com

pegi kat bahagian linda's desk

seribulan

tolong pastekan...

LINDA's desk



Saturday, June 19, 2004
10:00 a.m.

Hello . Assalamualaikum . OK , before I start , this is a summary for my story . - Sure Heboh Perlis - Siti Nurhaliza's wet concert - Offered to be a spokesperson for a beauty product - Meet the committee for the fan club Well , I would love to express my happy feelings with all of you who have been with me in Perlis for TV3's Sure Heboh Carnival . I had a great time in Perlis (tho' it is the smallest state in M'sia) but the crowd made me feel it was BIG ! Second of all , on the 13th of June , I had a terrible moment and I will not forget it forever in my life . I was at Siti Nurhaliza's concert somewhere around 6.30pm . I was engaged by ERA to host the concert. The weather was clear but after a while , it started to rain heavily...thunder storm...lightning.I was right in one of the canopies . I just had my 'one-bite' of the kebab. The canopy started shaking ! My manager (Nomma) pulled me out and said this --> "We'd better be wet than be killed under this canopy!!" . Everybody was running trying to safe their lives. The speaker fell off <-- Astro staff told me as well as Siti's stage . Most of the stuff at the booth were damaged. It was a total disaster . Never been that scared all my life . After trying to 'be safe' behind the stage which was also shaking terribly , all of us ran to the back of the stadium (coz that was the only safest place at that time). The best part was , irregardless of the situation , fans still came and asked for my autograph . Hehe ! I was all wet (in and out) . Wonder where Siti was at that moment ( probably still in her hotel room - "not wet") . The concert was cancelled . Surprisingly , right after we left the stadium , the weather was back to normal . Funny ain't it ? When we reached the hotel , I had a good rest. The morning after , me and my manager got back to KL . Once again , it is the most unforgettable moment in my life . OKlah...that's all about Siti Nurhaliza's Fantasia tour...and my reality moments . BTW , I might be signing an endorsement contract with a beauty product soon . Today at 3pm in KLCC , I will be meeting the committee for LOFC (Linda Onn Fan Club). Tonite - got wedding lah. Tomorrow morning is the motivational talk about 'IMAGE' for nurses in M'sia at Istana Hotel. Don't forget to listen to 'Urban di ERA' Sunday 5pm - 6pm and the repeat Monday 12 nite to 1am . C'ya guys ! Assalamualaikum .

seribulan

23/6/04

Still at the class. Finding info + forumming. Works are mountaining! Arrrghh...Date-line Monday, man! Sucks!!!

OnEdge

I prefer a blog that actually speaks volume about the writer than just an online diary.

Ako tells more of himself, how he feels and what he thinks about some stuff..rather than Linda Onn, who just basically noting stuff down...that doesn't calls for an engaging read does it? hehehehe..

Like this one gem from my sis again...

Sunday, June 06, 2004
I am up late I don't know why. Actually I do, but never mind.

I'm reading other people's blogs which always always depresses me but I do it anyway.

There's the blogs of twenty year olds, talking about college and going out, and dating and choosing between two guys. Sometimes you wish you get to hang out with them as they spend a scandalous weekend in Genting or somewhere, and sometimes you wish you could throttle their necks for being so...so vapid.

There's the vaguely *not-straight* blogs, which I enjoy because I'm curious and sympathetic and slightly envious because they're so brave to know what they are (and what they're not) and be able to admit it. They talk about which guy (or girl, depending on whom they are leaning towards) was hitting on them today, and how lonely they feel sometimes, and how no one seems to understand them.

There's the 'mummy' blogs, endless stories about their kids, what they did today, what clever thing they said today, what they ate today, how many diapers were changed. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but you know what I mean. But I like reading 'mummy' blogs, because sometimes I wish I was them, or could write about all those things, and sometimes I thank my lucky stars I don't have a little brat running around the house. But sometimes, like an entry about my nephew's psyche (he asked his mom, my sister, "If I could give you anything that could make you smile, what would you want?") it makes me want to cry and wish I could see him again and give him a hug.

Then there's the 'clever' blogs. Those that talk about politics and the social degradation of the Malaysian society, how there's always something wrong with the government, the system, the people. The social commentaries, the "I'll tell you what's wrong with this country" entries, the nevertheless optimistic 'together, we can change the world!' pleas. I skim and skip through these blogs. Because I'm shallow. Because I'm more interested in juicy gossip and mindless ravings about car accidents, missed dates, regurgitations of retail therapy and Harry Potter reviews.

Lastly, there's the blogs that combine everything: gossip, clever observations about the world and its political climate, profound statements on life, love and shoe selections, book reviews, movie reviews and the occasional poetry or prose. And these are the ones that make me depressed. For obvious reasons.

I am supposed to be sleeping, ya? - taken from http://ecrivezjuste.blogspot.com

see how the writer bares her soul and not afraid to admit that she's shallow and inferior? in one blog, we knew quite a bit about her already...

but then, some people just like a straightforward journal...

hey, some like it hot eh?

[ Last edited by OnEdge on 23-6-2004 at 03:23 PM ]

seribulan

24/6/04

Tension!!!!! Work! Work! Work!

Tomorrow night going to PWTC and the next night, too. Hope to have a bit of fun. Meet some of the people I admire. Missed my hometown... Wanna go back!!! To see the ducks and the chickens...

seribulan

27/06/04

Still tired from the two days' antic...but it was fun times...met several people that I admire in the entertainment scene...they're all COOL!

here's the link on what I was up to there...http://forum.cari.com.my/viewthr ... d=u9eXuW#pid3324197

Evening time, went to Pasar Malam Bangsar Baru. Nice atmosphere, love some of the unique things sold there. 'Ter'bought two shawl...isk isk isk!

[ Last edited by seribulan on 28-6-2004 at 10:11 AM ]

TanSri

Back from a 3 day business trip to Lumut and Penang- Grueling! Had to share hotel rooms wif Hoe-man. Thank got he was not gay as I suspected before. Spent the nights on Unreal Tourney 2004 and playing around wif our notebook, phones and PDAs. We are f^%*!#' sad. It was dissapointing not to get a ride on KD Lekir as we planned due to limited space on the frigate :-).

Neat stuff: Via bluetooth I can use my notebook's sound system as a voice gateway to my phone- I can use the speaker and mic as a wireless handsfree. The notebook can also be used as an audio gateway to the iPaq via gigibiru so an MP3 song from the iPaq can be played using the notebook speakers.

TanSri

Sample TextTue June 15 2004 (15:54:14)

I am a man who has lost everything.

Most would know I'm very carefull wif my data- keep 3 backups all the time, the working one on my notebook and 2 backups on my home workstation and office server.

Obviously I had to return my company issued notebook so I got a new one- the Acer Aspire 2012. Yes I can hear the sounds of disgust and all the wattaf$%ks coming out when the word Acer came out. Why I got an AceR?
1) I cant afford a Powerbook G4 (no I cannot settle with a measly iBook)
2) 512MB Ram, Radeon 9700 mobility, 1280x800 wxga (15.4 widescreen), built in bluetooth, wifi (it's a Centrino wif 1.5Ghz P-M) and 4-in-one card reader are among it's features. Nothing beats the specs in it's price range.
So shut the f#$k up.

Anyways during my last week of wage slaving I blew my backup in the office and transferred everything in the old notebook to the new one. Spent a few days configuring the new notebook until it was exactly how I want it to be. When all was done I popped in a new 80GB harddisk on my home workstation, blew the old backup files (they were outdated) and formatted the new HDD. While the workstation was formatting I fooled around the notebook filesystem to kill some time and found a 'rouge' 10GB FAT32 partition on the notebook. Checked Acer website and the newsgroups and found out the partition was not used. So I reformatted the partition (it was almost empty except for a few files which Acer said was not used). When I rebootted the notebook XP couldnt fire up since NTLDR file was missing- small issue, just boot the XP installation CD, press 'r' and do a fixboot on the command line right? Did just that but my XP-Pro CD for some reason did not give me the 'r' option so I booted up the Acer recovery CD (came with XP-Home) just so I can get into the XP setup screen and press 'r'.

It took forever to boot and start the XP installation, there was a progress bar at the bottom of the screen which did not have any description so I assume it was starting XP setup. Turn out it was happily repartitioning my harddrive and formatting it to FAT32!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heartrate was still sub 100- a blown up partition can be recovered- fired up a few recovery utilities (r-studio, acronis etc u name it).... turn out those boys in Taiwan figured it all out- 'hey while we partition the customers HDD why not we format it after that, this way everything will be wiped out for sure!! hahaha!'. Heart rate- 130bps.

At least dont f$%^!ing call it 'recovery CD' you f&*#ing morons!!! Those Taiwanse f#$^ed me up pretty good. I lost everything!!!. Managed to salvage a few files here and there but going through the salvaged files is another nightmare- thousands of documents and files that needs to be checked 1 by 1 since most of them are corrupted.


All was lost- office backup- gone, workstation backup- gone, files on notebook - GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3yrs of work, 7 years of address book, 2000 images from various occasions from my camera, mailbox (yeah I use pop3), porn, Joe's work, codes I stole from Webcraft (which I plan to use for my next project!!!) - ALL F%#^!ING GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I'm cool now. I consider this little event as god's way of telling me that computers are not everything. Enjoy life.

It's also a chance to start fresh.

TanSri

Wed June 17 2004 (17:05:02)

PergHhhhhh!!These guys are serious, check out the amount of radio equipment they're putting into this bad boy!.

seribulan

29/6/04

Tired again but not sleepy...just got back from a concert...rushing to watch 'Sephia' but it was not air the whole week, I think...rushing for
nothing...ha ha ..very funny...

Good news! I can get connected at home...yahoooooo...better start
moderating now...Ciao!

seribulan

1/7/2004

At the library...find some info...login to the forum...sharing laughters with some of the forummers...going to meet them later for drinks...oops..in 10 minutes actually...today is day for meeting. A revelation. Oh! Gotta rush. Ciao!

Tok_Batin

An excerpt from my favourite blog,(The Datin Diaries) very beautifully written....  Flowery but easily-understood words. Will touch you deeply... make you cry, even if you are man with big ego... enjoy this with a box of tissue... *sigh* If only I can write like her...

Mother's Day
There are two days that make me sad in a year. Mother's Day and the day my baby died. Which was also the day she was born.

It's been years but I still think about it. I can still picture her. The amazing thing was that she looked perfect. Only problem was, she had no heartbeat. She had a full head of slightly wavy hair, perfect fingers and toes. She looked like she was sleeping.

Once, and only once, about a year after she died, I dreamt of her. I dreamt she was crying in the arms of a man in a white robe who was carrying her up the stairs. And I kept telling her it was okay. She would be fine.

When I think hard and quietly, I can see her. For several years, she was a lanky child with tan skin, wearing a bright yellow pinafor dress with white daisies. She was running in a field of tall, tall grass.

Today I realised that this year she would have turned thirteen.

I remember when I was thirteen. I was awkward and I daydreamed a lot. I was always angry with my parents for reasons that now seem silly. Of course they didn't understand me. I was a teenager. And I vowed then that I would not be like them when I had a daughter of my own.

When. Not if.

Funny how life turns out. Thirteen years later, I sometimes wonder how to classify my daughter in my life's Dewey Decimal System. Was she an if that turned a blind corner? Or am I already a bona fide mother?

Perhaps the answer for me lies in my gut. Every time I hear a child turn around and wish her mother "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!" I get a sharp pain in my chest.

To all mothers, happy mother's day. And no matter how perfect or imperfect your children are, count your blessings that at least you still have them by your side.

And check out this beautifully written entry...

Some days when Datuk wakes up really early to catch a northbound plane, I open my eyes to an empty bed. And for those brief moments between dreaming and consciousness, I sometimes catch myself wondering where I am. The bed seems unfamiliar, the room comfortingly cool, the covers expensive. Perhaps it is the feeling of 500-thread count Egyptian cotton on my naked skin that deceives me each time. If you've never felt it, make sure you do at least once in your life.

Then, I notice the sliver of light beneath the bathroom door. And the light scent of lemony cologne emanating from behind it. And the sound of a man gargling, or a toilet flushing, or a heavy belt buckle clicking fast. And his silhouette emerges in the doorway...

Then, I remember rapidly where I am and the life I live.

Which leads me to wonder at the circumstances that led me here. If I had taken a different turn, and continued to work, and play with my girlfriends, and aspire to nothing more than a comfortable middle class life, would things have turned out the way they have?

Until I recall that I did continue working for a while after we married, and I still do party with the girls, and I was living a comfortable middle class life.

And I didn't aspire to anything more.

I guess life has a way sometimes of finding you. It tiptoes quietly behind you, taps you on the shoulder ever so gently and turns you in a different direction.

I am forming the impression that many of you believe I am unhappy in some hidden core of my being. Once upon a different life, I met a man and fell in love with him across the world wide web. We never met, but we loved for a brief month or so. It wasn't long. It wasn't meant to be. But for that short four weeks it was real. And every time he spotted me online he would say, "How is the center of your being?"

As if it was something one always asked in casual conversation. As if it was something one always had a ready answer for.

But I never knew how to respond. What do you say? "It's fine?" I don't really know how many people can truly say that, even as a means for getting on with the rest of the conversation. Or are you meant to honestly tell someone how your very fibre is feeling?

It's one of the most frightening questions I've ever been asked. And one that I will never forget. It makes you stop, and think. And when you stop thinking, it makes you dig deep into your self for an inkling of the answer.

It's a question I ask myself every day. And unlike those that ask you how you are feeling, it can't be answered with just a simple nonchalant description like "I'm fine" or "I'm a little down" or "I'm tired." Neither does the response waver easily from day to day.

Think about it. Do you know the answer?

[ Last edited by Tok_Batin on 5-7-2004 at 06:40 AM ]

Tok_Batin

Kenal Dina Zaman? Dina adalah seorang penulis muda dan pernah mempunyai kolumn sendiri di akhbar The Sun (Off Our Backs),  New Straits Times (Dina's Dalca) dan Malaysiakini.com (Eye Spy).

Beliau menulis dalam majalah-majalah: Men's Review,Pesona, dll. Sebuah bukunya telah diterjemahkan ke dalam bahasa Indonesia bertajuk 慏an Dia jadi Bidadari

Tok_Batin

Entah mungkin kerana memang sifat kita rakyat Malaysia, atau mungkin satu sikap manusia global, kita seringkali ingin tahui perihal luar-dalam kain orang lain. Satu kepuasan apabila kita membaca kisah kehidupan peribadi mereka. Apalagi golongan yang menjadi subjek itu adalah artis atau selebriti terkenal. Sebab itulah majalah-majalah hiburan yang menyiarkan lifestyle seseorang artis agak laris di pasaran.

Bagaimana pula agaknya kehidupan seorang Datin?

The Datin Diaries adalah sebuah blog milik seorang 'Datin' yang merakamkan kisah kehidupan hariannya di alam siber. 'Datin' yang dahulunya seorang janda muda, bertemu jodoh dengan seorang seorang ahli perniagaan bergelar Datuk yang sedang menghadapi masalah dengan isterinya. Mereka akhirnya berkahwin setelah Datuk menceraikan isteri pertamanya itu.

Kisah hidup Datin digambarkan sebagai mewah walaupun sering kesunyian akibat kesibukan suaminya. Datin bagaimanapun berusaha untuk memandang positif setiap perubahan yang berlaku dalam hidup barunya. Hayati bagaimana Datin menceritakan kelakuan kawan-kawan segolongan dengannya (Datin-Datin) yang kuat bergossip, kisah anak tirinya yang menggugurkan kandungan ketika berumur 16 tahun, kisah lucu pembantu-pembantu rumahnya, atau sekadar monolog yang membayangkan sejuta resah, pilu dan rasa sunyi walaupun hidup dalam kemewahan.

Satu yang paling istemewa mengenai blog ini adalah bahasa yang digunakan. Anda mungkin tidak menyangka blog ini milk seorang Datin. Bahasanya indah, teratur, mudah dan menyentuh perasaan pembaca. Ia melambangkan penulisnya (Datin) seorang yang terpelajar.

Lawati laman ini juka anda ingin menmbaca sekelumit kisah seorang Datin atau sekadar menikmati indahnya bahasa Inggeris yang digunakan...

This is how my life is different now from what it was. In my previous marriage, I relished the days when my husband was away. He was a whirling tornado that seemed to spin in place. All storm in a very small tea cup. All rage and fury, but very little movement. Lots of fights and lots of loving, lots of tears and lots of laughter. But very little quiet. Almost no calm.

Back then, life was about making ends meet. Not that we were poor, but work was a must-do to keep a decent roof over our heads. There was no time to think about what ifs. No space to ponder what I would do instead.

But then of course, my life took a different turn. And at the other end of the rainbow, I find myself with a pot of gold that is too big to hold in my two hands.

If I had been born into this marriage perhaps I wouldn't wonder about what to do. I have friends who are in their first marriages to very successful men. They don't have much to do except for things they create to while away the time. But I can't help feel a little guilty.


Lawati:
http://thedatindiaries.blogspot.com/
*psstt... MOD feel free to move this to other board if not suitable here

[ Last edited by Tok_Batin on 7-7-2004 at 05:36 AM ]

seribulan

7/7/04

At the class. The presenter is still getting ready, so I login to the net. Yesterday was a very taxing day. First, Bukit Bintang. Next, Puchong. What a merry-go-round. Hope today would be a restful one.