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~Two ways Communication in a relationship~
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Salam..all..
Ada sesuatu yg sy peratikan bila kita dlm satu2 hubungan tak kira bercinta ke,@ dah kawen...
kebnykan nya ada mslh komunikasi,rata2 nya kalau ada mslh komunikasi,a relatioship might be failed..this is just my two cents..
sebelum ni pon,sy ada jgk mslh mcm ni,dan mmg hubungan tu xkkan menjadi..
mslhnya bila ada ketidakpuasan hati pd pasangan,kita x berterus terang,tak tnya btol2..dan jika kita nk berdiskuss ada plak pihak sebelah sana tidak mahu berbincg untuk selesaikan maslah..
yg satu mslh lagi,bila kita ada mslh,pihak ppn lah katakan..so,fitrah ppn ni dia suka bercerita hnya untuk release tension dia.
bknnnya nk cari solution..tp pihak yg mendengar plak (lelaki) menambahkan lagi tension,berkata2 yg x sepatutnya,ada plak x mahu mendengar,ada plak diam jer, mcm tunggul ( ) x ada respons..ibarat kita berckp dgn tunggul (ini mmg annoying lah.. )...respons yg sepatutnya,buat2 lah mcm bg attention kat ppn tu even x nk dgr pon....cukup berkata2 untuk tenangkan dia..
dan bg lelaki plak sebaliknya...kalau dia ada mslh mmg lelaki suka diam kan diri..dia akan carik solution sendirian..jd ms ni ppn plak kena faham.jgn kita plak potpet2..mau terbang pinggan mangkuk..dan mslh nyer lagi,lelaki ni bila ada mslh nk bersendiri,dia x bgtau plak ppn..jd itu yg conflict...x ada 2-ways comm..
jd bg saya,kalau kwn2 porum pernah bc buku John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
mesti tahu cmna komunikasi 2-hala lelaki & ppn..the book is very interesting n very informative..bnyk tips..
ada bbrpa quotes yg sy dpt dr buku tu :
“when a man can listen to woman's feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift.
He makes it save for her to express herself.
The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she is able to give a man the loving trust,acceptance,appreciation,admiration,approval, and encouragement that he needs.”
― John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
“‎" when men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom ”
― John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
bg saya kalau dah x ada two-ways comm...respect tu dah x ada antara 2 pihak..
jadi kat sini kita diskuss kenapa penting nya 2-ways comm dlm satu r/ship..semua bebas beri pendapat,boleh jgk cerita experience masing2..
wsllm...
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thanks all for the book list
iolss summarrizekan buku2 motivasi dlm perhubungan:
So,for those who have free time,feel free to find these books and read,could gain our knowledge..dari kita melangut2 x buat apa2..
Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov.
Love Smart by Dr. Phil MacGraw
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil Make Up, Don't Break Up
from Doormat to Dreamgirl.
He's just note that into you
John Gray,-Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
kalo ada lagi,buleh porumer2 suggest..
Last edited by sue_0684 on 16-3-2013 09:44 PM
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Menarik
Sebab @sue_0684 dah share pasal John Gray, akak nak share pasal buku Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil Make Up, Don't Break Up
@axela bleh mai usha sini gak
Buku ni pun isi dia lebih kurang dengan John Gray, tp akak rasa lebih dekat dgn akak sebab pengarangnya share experience dia sendiri  . Sebagai permulaan akak share chapter yg ada dalam buku ni, only lepas tu akak share chapter by chapter.
Chapter 1 : Challenges to a lasting relationship a.k.a intro
Chapter 2 : Are you a Pursuer or a Distancer - Kenalpasti jenis @ character kita dalam sesebuah relationship
Chapter 3 : The male dilemma of intimacy : How not to (S)mother Your Man - Perempuan bertindak sebagai The Guardian of the Connection
Chapter 4 : Developmental stages and relationship patterns - proses & pengaruh bagaimana kita tertarik pada seseorang (1 word yg attract akak adalah IMAGO. I'll explain later.
Chapter 5 : The Eight Stages of Relationship
Chapter 6 : Connection, Disconnection and Reconnection
Chapter 7 : The Distancer/ Pursuer Dance
Chapter 8 : Dancing with Your Crucible
Chapter 9 : Why intimacy is hard to achieve
Chapter 10 : Why relationship stop before they start
Chapter 11 : Shifting gears
Chapter 12 : Fighting fair
Chapter 13 : Reconnecting with your Family : Going home again
Dan yang paling menarik adalah kaedah SMART HEART SKILLS 
Last edited by Innrukia on 1-3-2013 09:56 PM
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Innrukia posted on 1-3-2013 09:51 PM 
Menarik
Sebab sue dah share pasal John Gray, akak nak share pasal buku Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil M ...
wahhh..really interesting..
best2...share2 nnti pasal words yg akak bgtau td tu.. ..
p/s : calling :@axela , @missus_meow
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tok tok tok....salam tuan umah, tetamu datang ni..hehehhe
oooo bes benang ni.....ahkak sukeeeeeee  |
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sue_0684 posted on 1-3-2013 09:55 PM
wahhh..really interesting..
best2...share2 nnti pasal words yg akak bgtau td tu....
2nd book yg akak nak share adalah nih dari lelaki punya point of view
Love Smart by Dr. Phil MacGraw
Chapter yg ada;
- Your GPS : Great Partner Search
- The Character of Him
- The Character of You
- Single - There are no accident
- Your inner bride
- Your Guy Q
- Your Man Plan
- Fishing with a net
- Infrared Dating
- Bag'em, tag'em, Take'em home
- The state of your union
- live the love you feel
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Innrukia posted on 1-3-2013 10:03 PM
2nd book yg akak nak share adalah nih dari lelaki punya point of view
Love Smart by Dr. Phil Ma ...
ok2..nanti akak share lah comm skill yg ada...mesti ada pasal comm dlm buku2 yg akak bc tu..
nk enhance my comm. wit others...
leh buat panduan..
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betul lah sue, selalu dalam masalah perhubungan, kita perempuan ni yg beria ia mencari solution, pot pet pot pet menanya itu ini, derang ni kalau ada masalah suka simpan sorang2, konon need space, yg kita ni tak tahu ujung pangkal, mula la berfikir secara creative, itu lah..ini lah....at the end...mende yg kecit boleh jadi besar....bila tak ada komunikasi 2 hala...
ada kes kawan lelaki iols, dia ada masalah kerja, tp tak bgtau gf dia, tiba2 ilang kan diri mcm tu jek selama 4 bulan, bila prblem selesai baru cari gf dia, tapi too late.perempuan tu baru jek bertunang dengan orang lain, padan muka! 
nampak tak bila tak ada komunikasi?? seme hancus beb..toksah la korang nak ego2 bagai..tak kemana pun, abes2 menyesal, nak nanges malu kunun ilang macho...sudahnya meroyan sorang2
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axela posted on 1-3-2013 10:10 PM
betul lah sue, selalu dalam masalah perhubungan, kita perempuan ni yg beria ia mencari solution, pot ...
hehhe...best statement last tu..
x jatuhnya ego,x kurang nya macho kalo berterus terang..bgtau jer apa sebnanya..jd x da lah pihak satu lg sakit hati..
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Ok we start with the 1st chapter of Dr. Bonnie “Make Up, Don’t Break Up – Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples”
Chapter 1: Challenges To A Lasting Relationship
Mereka yg berkahwin atau dalam perhubungan yang serius adalah lebih sihat dan bahagia. Tetapi kenapa berlaku juga penceraian malah angka kepada penceraian semakin tinggi? Jawapannya adalah simple iaitu adalah senang utk jatuh cinta, tetapi hanya segelintir sahaja tahu bagaimana utk mengekalkan cinta.
Kita mungkin boleh ‘membuang’ pasangan anda tetapi kita tidak akan dapat membuang masalah kerana separuh dari ‘masalah’ adalah kita sendiri.Kita boleh ‘keluar’ dari perhubungan tetapi kita tidak dapat lari dari diri sendiri.
Untuk mengatasi masalah ini kita perlu mewujudkan perhubungan yang sihat yang mana kita boleh express keperluan dan kerisauan dan juga mengatasi konflik & kemarahan dengan cara yang betul. Kebanyakan perhubungan gagal adalah kerana kita gagal validate each other. Lelaki & perempuan mempunyai cara yang berbeza dalam meluahkan perasaan dan perbezaan “childhood wound” yang cuba kita pulihkan. Walaupun kita seolah dari dunia yang berbeza, sebenarnya lelaki dan perempuan adalah serupa when it comes to our need and desire for love & intimacy. We behave differently only in our quests for closeness. So we have to working smart, stop doing what you think is fair or right. Start doing what works!
Forget the rigid rules if you want to create and sustain a love-filled relationship. For single women, its time to give up rules such as “men have to make the first move’. Perempuan sebenarnya lebih bersedia utk memulakan langkah pertama kerana socialization dan upbringing yg membuatkan kita lebih selesa dengan connection.
Last edited by Innrukia on 1-3-2013 10:34 PM
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Innrukia posted on 1-3-2013 10:31 PM
Ok we start with the 1st chapter of Dr. Bonnie “Make Up, Don’t Break Up – Finding and Keeping Lov ...
tq for sharing..
tetarik dgn last sentence..
sumtimes ppn lebih bersedia nk start the first move tp lelaki plak sebaliknya..
sama jgk lah dgn lelaki..dah sedia tp ppn plak tidak bersedia..
so kat sini,mmg dah x ada comm yg berkesan....
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Innrukia posted on 1-3-2013 10:36 PM
yang ni ada dalam chapter buku 1st yg akak nak share ni. selalunya kita pompuan cari solution tp c ...
abes kite kena buat camner? ce cite..ce cite....
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Chapter 2 : Are you a Pursuer or Distancer
Men & women appear to be fr different planets becoz most men emotionally distance themselves fr relationships while most women pursue them. 80% of man are distancer & 80% of women are pursuer.
To pursue - to follow a specified course of action, which is great but if it's too extreme, it become imposing @ demanding
To distance - to move away from in space or time
Both of these behavior have to be modified for 2 people to connect. The role of the "CONNECTION GUARDIAN" adalah utk sambungkan jurang ni. Kebanyakan kita menyembunyikan karektor sebenar kita & mempamerkan sikap luaran yang berlainan dari sifat sebenar. Sbg contoh, kebanyakan lelaki bertindak sbg Pursuer pada awal perhubungan tetapi boleh bertukar kepada Distancer sekiranya mereka merasa tekanan didalam sesuatu perhubungan. Distancer adalah minimizers (mereka berfikir secara rational & logic & merasakan mereka mempunyai masa yang banyak ) dan Pursuer adalah maximizers (emotional, mengikut perasaan & menganggap semua perlu segera diselesaikan). Pursuer juga adalah "movers & shakers".
Secara amnya, Pursuer akan tertarik pada Distancer & begitulah sebaliknya. Pursuer perlu menggalakkan Distancer utk dekat dengan connecting, disconnecting dan reconnecting dgnnya secara perlahan, lembut & sabar. Distancer sebaliknya perlu mempercayai Pursuer utk mengambil langkah ke depan.
Summary Of Female Pursuer
• She cannot take no for an answer
• She can be demanding’
• She moves in without leaving the Distancer an inch of space and usually get abandoned or rejected for this behavior.
• She has trouble with disconnection and reconnection
• When she feels rejected, she pursues more.
Summary Of Female Distancer
• She looks flaws in her date @ mate, talks herself out of intimacy, and stop relationships before they start. This protects her from hurt and also falling in love.
• She lashes out to hurt her date or partner before he can hurt him.
• She’s not proactive; she waits instead of taking action because she fears being seen as needy.
• She rationalizes her behavior as right and fair
• She doesn’t nail the date or connection.
Summary of Male Distancer
• He doesn’t like to be told what to do & feel suffocated in relationship
• He is allergic to emotionality, discussions and commitment.
• He gives mixed message, come closer, but move away. He is more comfortable with objects, sports and work than relationship.
• When he feel physiologically uncomfortable, he withdraws or check out
• He is never sure and wants to be sure; he cant make decisions and say I don’t know.
Summary Of Male Pursuer
• He hold tightly
• He calls several times a day, wants to be with you all the time and gives you no space unless you pursue him. When he’s not with you, he wants to know where you are and with whom.
• He showers you with gift and compliments
• He’s generous when and how he wants to be and projects his need onto you
• He has suffocation wounds, so remember he has a distance lurking inside.
SMART HEART SKILL
1. Understand the Pursuer/Distancer dynamic. Identify your own behavior (and that of your parents, partner or potential partner) as either predominantly pursuing or distancing.
2. Go back to your parents and see how their behavior affected the way your relate to others in closeness and intimacy. Also observe how you relate to your parents and how they relate to each other.
3. Work together with your partner on modifying your behaviors to change the movement.
Kata azimat utk kita;
Never let a man know youre chasing him
Always let him think everything is his idea, even if you set it up
Chase him until he catches you.
Last edited by Innrukia on 1-3-2013 11:18 PM
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sue_0684 posted on 1-3-2013 10:41 PM
jadi mcm mn nk buat dgn cara yg btol?..
p/s : en ipan dah tidoooo.........bermi ...
mimpi gi karok ngan @sue_0684
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lelaki ni slalunye suke nk jd hunter ... he wants 2 do the chase ... tp ade gak yg dia dah puas kejar n dah dpt, dia x tau nk wat ape ngan "mangsa" yg dia dah dpt tu ... ade gak yg lagi yg dikejar tu blari, lg dia kejar ... ade gak yg lama2 dia kejar, dia give up ... n ade yg cari "mangsa" baru ... they enjoy the chase but not the catch ...
so kenalilah lelaki idaman anda jenis yg mana satu 
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Innrukia posted on 1-3-2013 11:17 PM
Chapter 2 : Are you a Pursuer or Distancer
Men & women appear to be fr different planets becoz mo ...
yes ... always make him think it was his idea ... esp kalo dia jenis lelaki yg ego
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Innrukia posted on 1-3-2013 11:17 PM
Chapter 2 : Are you a Pursuer or Distancer
Men & women appear to be fr different planets becoz mo ...
where can i get this book?
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Category: Cinta & Perhubungan
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Post time 1-3-2013 09:24 PM
变色卡
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