(UPDATE#63: He finally broke it off) That stagnant stage of your life

QIsmail

Salam and hi everyone. Well, I'm a beginner but I kinda need the forummers' contributions on the personal issues that I have right now.

I've got 2 issues (Banyak betul masalah hidup aku kan?)


1) I'm working as a government servant. Have to say I'm doing quite okay. I progress quite fast on the career ladder.

Tapi I tak pernah rasa satisfied with my work. I've been doing quite a lot of soul-searching for this. But couldn't find any answers. I keep looking for other opportunities to get out from this job (studying abroad opportunities, even sat for PTD exam yesterday. Lol)

Any views on this one?

2) I've been seeing a guy for almost 2 years. He's a former schoolmate of mine. We've known each other for almost a decade

Everything was peachy for the first year, but when he started working as an HO, we drifted apart, but I'm still trying to make things work. You know, sending him gifts and all since it is a long distance relationship. And we've grown stronger ever since.

But last week, when I asked him to meet my parents, he bailed. As in terus blue tick my whatsapp. I've mentioned to him, if he's no longer interested in me or the relationship - he's free to just flat out say no and we can both move on with our lives.

But still, a blue-tick. What gives?

Pendapat beserta laharan bernas anda didahului dengan ucapan terima kasih  

awaynepian

Dik..rasanya..dia sayang ko..tp dia blm ready nak berkomitmen

sebu

Selalu bg dia barang2 mahal ke?. Sepertinya kamu je yang berlebih kut. Atau ada janji untuk kawin dari dia?...dia duk mana? Luar negeri ke?

QIsmail

sebu replied at 24-11-2016 07:44 AM
Selalu bg dia barang2 mahal ke?. Sepertinya kamu je yang berlebih kut. Atau ada janji untuk kawin da ...

Maybe. Not necessarily expensive items la. Sometimes I just turned up during lunch (with lunch of course); knowing that he's super busy.

Entahla. Kalau I berlebih pon, and he's not comfortable with that, ckp je la kan? Why resort to ignoring? Bukannya I'll turn into a Kraken pon  

QIsmail

awaynepian replied at 24-11-2016 07:39 AM
Dik..rasanya..dia sayang ko..tp dia blm ready nak berkomitmen

Thanks for the comment. I can sense that too. It's just - don't la leave me hanging kan? Guys are such complicated creatures  :zz

fishcracker

heol tak ready/tak nak jangan paksa uol...kalau u dapat pengganti yang ready nak sehidup semati,nangis ketawa,susah senang bersama teruskan niat  murni ituuuuuu

melinda_kerr

mak iols slalu pesan carilah lelaki yg akan berusaha lebih dapatkn kamu bkn kamu yg beria lbh dr si dia. nmpk gaya mcm kamu yg mengatur arah hidup untuk kamu berdua. give him some space untuk ber fikir juga. don't be too dominant dan mendesak. baik fokus dulu apa kamu impikan dlm career. drpd fikir psl lelaki. if he loves u nanti dtg balik lah. klau tak, bye ajerlah. please jgn jd perempuan annoying dan mendesak.

sebu

QIsmail replied at 24-11-2016 08:15 AM
Maybe. Not necessarily expensive items la. Sometimes I just turned up during lunch (with lunch of  ...

Dia ada janji nk kawin dgn kamu tak? Ada dia cerita kisah family dia secara detail? Ada dia berminat nk tahu pasal family kamu?...kalau x de maknanya dia bukan sungguh2.  

Satu lagi jgn percaya pada lelaki yang suka memuji kamu dgn ayat2 manis. .contoh awak cantik. .atau yg pandai bermain kata2 la. .

Dan ada dia ucap i love u X?

dewinter25

melinda_kerr replied at 24-11-2016 08:25 AM
mak iols slalu pesan carilah lelaki yg akan berusaha lebih dapatkn kamu bkn kamu yg beria lbh dr si  ...

Thanks for the wisdom..helps me to look at it from another perspective

tompie

Basically, based on the above scenario kitorang kena bagi pendapat ah? hehe

Cer bagi details sikit.. siapa yang start the relationship, how close are you 2..
Cume nak cakap Long distance ni susah nak make it works.
Mungkin mamat tu nak space.. lelaki tak suke kena push.. mcm aku.. kalau ko keep on ckp, makin ahh aku buat bodo.. bagi dia mase...
kalau dia taknak cakap tu, taknak ahh.. takleh pakse2..
Nampak mcm dia ade masalah ataupun dlm dilemma.. mungkin ade prospek baru yang dia nak ejas..

As for your work related problem... ko try ahh mintak public sector, MNC, nak lagi challenging keje ngan kompeni foreigner.. Kalau keje gomen mmg masuk angin ahh.. aku rase ko mude lagi.. banyak energy.. so bila masuk gomen mmg mcm tak puas ahh..
MAsa aku start keje dulu aku keje almost 12-14 hours everyday.. tapi learning curve mmg bagus.. lepas 4 taun burn out.. skang ni keje 9-5 aje.. spend time ngan family ngan anak2.. malas dah

Kalaupun ko join PTD, dapat jabatan/ ministry yang syok ok ahh.. kene yang tak syok sama gak

Star_el

masuk gomen untung weh, bole sambung belajar, amek cuti setahun ke, join kursus2 pape. Jgn p quit plak. Cari lg peluang pape utk tingkatkan skil. Tmbh lg kata keje xbusy lagila senang join benda, siap masuk markah SKT lg. Org keje swasta comp kecik cam aku ni mmg takla

Ntah2 bf tu just busy je, kekdg pompuan ni suka speculate lebih2.

JeNaB_PopPop

Shit.....aku terlupaa laaa exam PTD malam tadi....bz giler aku lately.....mati laaa aku kalau laki aku tau aku terlepas exam kali ni

TT beruntunglaaa dpt gomen...skrg mmg laaa ko rasa bosan la, tak bnyk bnd ko nk belajar la, kerje senang la bagai.....aku dlu mmg suka kje dan kje dan kje...bila dah ada anak dengan kerja yg menimbun...terkejar sane sini aku slalu pk how i wish to kje gomen ni.....dengan keadaan ekonomi mcm ni...company2 private yg tak menetu ni.....bagi aku, suggestion aku ko g sambung blajar, syok weh...gomen smbg balajr gaji dapat penuh, ditanggung lagi.....ko kena pk berapa juta org nk duduk kat tempat ko sekarang....


yang no.2 tu....aku cuma nak tau umur korang je.....kalau laki tu bawah 27 tahun so aku rasa dia mane nk ready kawen lagi.....

QIsmail

melinda_kerr replied at 24-11-2016 08:25 AM
mak iols slalu pesan carilah lelaki yg akan berusaha lebih dapatkn kamu bkn kamu yg beria lbh dr si  ...

Thanks for the wisdom. I've heard that quite a few times. Maybe it's time to let go kot.

To clarify, I'm not the type yg mendesak pon. Like this relationship ain't my first rodeo kekdahnya  

It's just - it's quite hard to just move on  without closure, yknow?

QIsmail

JeNaB_PopPop replied at 24-11-2016 11:38 AM
Shit.....aku terlupaa laaa exam PTD malam tadi....bz giler aku lately.....mati laaa aku kalau laki a ...

Aiyakkk. Cmane bleh lupa  
Questions are a bit straightforward. Mcm dasyat je competition this year.

Tau sgt dh. Rmai yg kata I mcm x bersyukur. Tp Tuhan je yg tau betapa terseksanya I dduk Kat dept geng2 serban & janggut  

Yeah. We're both 26. We have such a long history. Way back from high school days. I've been trying to run away from him all my life; siap dated mat Salleh and whatnot just to forget him - only now, entahla; somehow I want to fight for this.

Rasa bodoh pon ye.

QIsmail

sebu replied at 24-11-2016 08:46 AM
Dia ada janji nk kawin dgn kamu tak? Ada dia cerita kisah family dia secara detail? Ada dia bermin ...

Thanks for the reply.

Here's the deal. Our dynamics are quite relaxed in a sense that we rarely express our feelings with words.

I pon x pernah mention I love you bagai. But we have vague plans for the future - migrating to other countries etc etc.

Kitorang ni case of keep coming back to each other. Entahla. But thanks for your view. Appreciate it.

QIsmail

tompie replied at 24-11-2016 09:43 AM
Basically, based on the above scenario kitorang kena bagi pendapat ah? hehe

Cer bagi details siki ...

Your response is already sufficient without having me to clarify the specific scenarios  

I x memaksa pon - I sendiri pon byk professional commitment. I feel quite drained kot. I dok elak to have this mushy feelings for this guy in question pun dh bertahun sbnarnya. I dated around during my college years and dia yg carik I balik after we both finished our undergrad years abroad.

Lepas tu fickle2 cmni. Mana tak geram kan?  :

aldilla_zahraa

yup, bf you rasa u pressure dia. mungkin dia tak ready lagi.
but since u mention dia HO i think he's under A LOT of stress at the moment. Prolly kena maki MO/Specialist bagai and suddenly you sprang this on him. Defence mechanism utk sesetengah lelaki: Diam. It means there's something on his mind which is maybe totally unrelated to u

Kalau bab kerja gomen tu, I feel you. i quit government service lepas 4 years because I tak tahan budaya kerja gomen. Banyak sangat redtape. I lompat masuk private and now running my own business. This is what I feel the best for me. Be my own boss. At the same time I freelancing gak buat consultancy. i buat short course. and whenever i feel burnt out,  i stop and travel. take a breather then come back to work

i rasa you rasa tak challenged. i think you're the kind yg suka being challenged every day. maybe that's why you bosan. Apply je PTD, PTD challenge dia besar lagi2 kalau you dpt kementerian yang busy dan popular

JeNaB_PopPop

QIsmail replied at 24-11-2016 01:13 PM
Aiyakkk. Cmane bleh lupa   
Questions are a bit straightforward. Mcm dasyat je competition  ...

u know wut, before i met my husband dlu...i ada sorg kawan or bf la (tak tau status tapi mcm u la...dari zaman sekolah, masuk matrik mmg i tau dia syg i then dia tau i syg dia, dan mmg dari i form 2 lagi) the bila i masuk u dia pun still contact ngan i mcm biasa, tp xde effort nk jumpa parents i, yela still ade plan mcm nnt dah kerja kita akan kerja kat mana, migrate to NZ bagai....but once i dh jumpa my hb, mmg i leh banding bertapa jauhnya hb i bagus dari dia walaupun hb i tak selevel education dan ada sehebat family background mcm dia.....

my hb bersungguh untuk i. bg tau dia kumpul bnyk mana, ape yg dia usahakan sbb nk buat i jadi yg halal untuk dia. jumpa my parents dulu bgtau nk ikat dan bgtau ape plan dia, minta tggu dalam setahun dua dia akan kumpul duit n cuba gali ilmu sebaiknye utk jd seorang suami. smpi skrg 'dia' yg pernah i sayang dlu tak kawen lg dan still meratip. i dah bahagia tapi dia still mcmtu... i harap u jumpa someone yg betul2 bersungguh nak kat u.

****anyway i dah terlepas exam ptd, 2 tahun dah terlepas....damn.... susahnye i nk msuk kerja gomen ni...i dah 28 this year... after 30 dh susah....

QIsmail

JeNaB_PopPop replied at 24-11-2016 02:00 PM
u know wut, before i met my husband dlu...i ada sorg kawan or bf la (tak tau status tapi mcm u la. ...

Thanks for sharing your experience. This is what I like about this forum. I get to see the issues with bird-eye view. Yeah. Maybe mmg kitorang takde jodoh kot.

As for me, dh byk kali sgt kecundang bab2 hati & perasaan ni. And byk kali sgt I just leave it to fate. So far, it's not working   So bila I gave it my all, the outcome is still the same. Perhaps my best is not good enough for him kot. Takpela. Andai itu takdirnya, kan?

I bukan apa - I just want him to be held accountable of his actions. Own up to his own feelings and have a clean-cut closure. Is that too much too ask?  

Alah. Takpe you. Muda lg. Plus you have a family now. Focus on that.

QIsmail

aldilla_zahraa replied at 24-11-2016 01:45 PM
yup, bf you rasa u pressure dia. mungkin dia tak ready lagi.
but since u mention dia HO i think he ...

Could be jugak la kan? Entahla. I bg je dia space. I bukan type yg beg for things. If at all la kan? Cuma ppuan kan? Kadang2 I okay je. Kadang2 dia punya emo tuhan je yg tau  

Yes. I thrive on challenges. I x tahan kerja government ni; sbab I have to deal with a lot of (for the lack of better words) incompetent and stupid people. Tp malaun2 ni jgak la yg dok dpt APC every year. Bukan la I hadap sgt pon APC; tp mengarut betul admin I kira KPI. Not to sound braggy, but I think my 2 years performance boleh tggal kan diorg punya let's say 15 years worth of performance bertiang2. Kerja malas, and my HOD boleh lepak Kat Kantin for frickin 3 hours.

Tula. Kalau Ada rezeki, menjamah la I nk jdik PTD. Itu pon punya la kompetitif skim dia kan  

Anyway, I admire your courage. I hope I could be as courageous as you