Same word different meaning

pelicano

This is really funny and clever  :bgrin:

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The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational has organised a contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners for 2005 are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

seribulan

17. teacher, n. the one who makes the tea.

pacey

How about these?

18. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

19. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do

20. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

21. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

22. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

23. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

24. PARADOX: Two physicians

25. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

26. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV

27. RELIEF: What trees do in the Spring

28. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

29. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

30. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government

pacey

DENIAL - Errr... The longest river in Egypt?? :stp:

seribulan

haha...dats a good one...

pacey

And these..

ACOUSTIC: An instrument used in shooting pool.

BOYCOTT: His crib.... not hers!

CAESAREAN SECTION:  A district in Rome.

CARNATION: Country where everybody has a four wheeler.

CROWBAR: Where birds can get a drink and drunk.

DAMNATION: Beaver country.

DECAY: De letter which comes after de J

ILLEGAL: A sick bird.

LOCOMOTIVE: A crazy reason.

RAMPAGE: Section of a book about male sheep

TUMOR: An extra pair.

URINE: Opposite of "you're out"!

[ Last edited by pacey at 6-3-2006 11:26 AM ]

pelicano

Originally posted by pacey at 6-3-2006 11:16 AM
DECAY: De letter which comes after de J

I just browsed the Gossip Board... so really, can't help it :bgrin:

DECAY: A person who's been famously linked to a top Malaysian female artist

pacey

Originally posted by pelicano at 6-3-2006 06:01 PM



I just browsed the Gossip Board... so really, can't help it :bgrin:

DECAY: A person who's been famously linked to a top Malaysian female artist

Hehehe... That's a cute one..
No offence, ye... to whom it may concern.

pacey

Just messing around..

ADAMANT : The first ant

AFTERMATH : If it's Monday that it should be Physics, if it's Friday than it's time to head home.

ATLAS : Finally!

BACTERIA : The back of a cafeteria.

BIOLOGY : Study of shopping habits.

CONSULTANT : The king who swindles his subjects.

CONTENTS : Where swindlers sleep while on a camping trip.

FIRST LADY : Eve / Siti Hawa.

LEMONADE : Help from a citrus.

MORBID : Higher offer.

NITRATE : Cheaper than day rate.

PROTEIN : Favoring young people.

SYNTAX : All the money collected from sinners.

[ Last edited by pacey at 23-3-2006 02:25 PM ]

pelicano

Love these....:bgrin:

Antelope : to run off with your mother抯 sister.

Defence : something to sit on for people who can抰 make up their minds.

Diversion : Princess of Wales' version of the events that led to her divorce.

Dumpling : small lump of excrement.

Homophobe : strong dislike of The Simpsons.

Honeydew : women who regularly arrive late for appointments.

Intercontinental : person who has wet themselves all over the world.

Menopause : break in conversation to allow men to get a word in edgeways

Negligent : cross-dresser.