Anyone can comment on my poem? Touch?

sLapshock

Kisah dia camni, 31may ni, my special friend yang aku jatuh cinta have a birthday, we both have special relationship, veyr very close, but that we havent couple... coz, she's not ready and she want to keep at it is for the momment.. so.. as for her birthday i wrote her this poem.. and frame it to her...

can anyone comment on this

Was special how we met
Playing in a band that we both never expect
With what was written and what was said
It is something that i will not forget

Remember all the fun we had
Marche and the Car ride that never will we forget
Walking eight miles which we both never had
And that another thing that i will not forget

I hope youve enjoyed the time we spent
Though I know that I will be back again
Just that I dont know how soon my friend
I hope you will stay until the end

Ive composed a melody but i cant play for you
And written a song that i cant sing to you
Its really sad that it had to be this way
But it has reached its very last day

thank you.

isif

dear friend,

if this poem really come from your heart..just go on...pass this to ur girl!!

but sometimes people cannot understand the true meaning beside the words..

if i have a choice, i like people give something straight forward rather than poem..

the reason is...if u give someting starightly, means that u confident..
if u give double meaning ...means that u're not sure...

it's only my opinion tau...tp it's all up to u..
if ur girl have the sensitive heart maybe she will touch...who knows..

apapun yang saya komen..teruskanlah niat anda sebab hanya anda yang mengenali si dia..

apapun bentuk pemberian it's all about honest!

good luck in ur relationship!!insyaallah!

sLapshock

thank you... anyway i change my poem to this

Was special how we met
Playing in a band that we both never expect

With what was written and what was said
Which is something that i will not forget

Do you remember all the fun we had
Marche and that Car ride that we will never forget

And all those tears when times were bad
Walking eight miles which we both never had

For you i would gladly walk a mile
If that would give me a chance to see you smile

Ive composed a melody but i cant play for you
And written a song that i cant sing to you

Its really sad that it had to be this way
But it has reached its very last day

I hope youve enjoyed the time we spent
And I hope you stay until the end

milanhawkin

not bad...

reading it makes me feel giddy inside

yellow belmont

saja jenguk2 bod ni .. dah lama tak masuk .. so here i am reading ur poem ..

i got to say that i really like ur poem .. if u wanna make it much more beautiful .. dont repeat the same word at the end .. like that "forget" ..

so actually what does it mean when u wanna give her this poem? .. if u dont mind im asking ..

sLapshock

Hmm..what does it mean?
Well i knew her for a few months already, we do alot of things together, we like each other, but i cant possible go one step level further after friendship atas sebab sebab tertentu. Liking each other? Years, thats for sure. But we can go anything more than friends.. thats where the meaning:


Was special how we met
Playing in a band that we both never expect

meaning: kita kenal masa main dalam satu band, both of us tak plan the meeting, and both of us never thought would play in a band like that (band that play lagu jepun)

With what was written and what was said
Which is something that i will not forget

meaning: after dah kenal, that night kita msn, well we talk abit and i remember that night we talk on hpone for hours a few times, making us bond with each other better

Do you remember all the fun we had
Marche and that Car ride that we will never forget

meaning: kita banyak spend masa together, and on our third date, kita makan kat "marche" ( a swedish restaurant, ala ala pasar, kutip makanan mentah and mintak diorang masakkan) and kita naik Cable car kat sentosa at night. both marche and cable car is the first time for both of us.

And all those tears when times were bad
Walking eight miles which we both never had

meaning: well, banyak2 masalah dia cerita kat aku, vice versa.. and also...the second line.. is when i and her walked few miles dari danga bay to malaysia immigration..its about 8miles, 2 hours of walk. and because we both love walking kita buat tu.. its first time for both of us walking there.

For you i would gladly walk a mile
If that would give me a chance to see you smile

meaning: what i wanna try to say here is that, i'd anything for her smile...

Ive composed a melody but i cant play for you
And written a song that i cant sing to you

meaning: ok, the sentence above, im trying to say that..i always wanted to go one step further than just a friendship, but atas sebab sebab tertentu, i cant..

Its really sad that it had to be this way
But it has reached its very last day

meaning: its not apa yang aku nak....tapi apa nak buat..

I hope youve enjoyed the time we spent
And I hope you stay until the end

meaning: one day, when i not there, i hope she thought me of her kenangan terindah..

sLapshock

Originally posted by yellow belmont at 24-5-2007 11:26 PM
saja jenguk2 bod ni .. dah lama tak masuk .. so here i am reading ur poem ..

i got to say that i really like ur poem .. if u wanna make it much more beautiful .. dont repeat the same word at t ...

do u have any idea on what i shd replace with???

yellow belmont

Originally posted by sLapshock at 25-5-2007 07:46 PM


do u have any idea on what i shd replace with???

IMHO .. it would be more meaningful if the words come from ur own heart ..

oh so u mean to tell her that u wanna take the relationship to the next level but then u cant ..

i was a bit confused coz at ur 1st post .. u said it was her call that she's the one who dont want ..

anyway .. no hal la .. was just being curious ..

skyati

ur poem.. sound..
nice...

haih.. wish dat one day a guy would come with this kind of thing, for me..

thah

31may???
besday my bestfrenz..my best bestfrenz in da world

sLapshock

tengah carik frame...nak frame kan.....................

thah

carilah something yg unik...
kalu nak best...
wat sndiri frame 2...sure dia terharu

sLapshock

wat sendiri..hahahhaa

thah

awat plak...
kalu aku ler...
msti aku terharu kalu brg2 yg dia bg dia wat sndiri...
bnda yg akan aku simpan smp akhir hayat aku n aku akan syg ia lebih dari bnda2 lain...
kdg2 bila kita wat sesuatu utk bg kat dia dgn penuh perasaan kita...
dgn ape yg ada dlm hati kita...
xmustahil satu hari nanti bnda 2 yg akan melembutkan hati dia

isif

kalau nak best lagik..u rakam suara u..kasi dia dengar..hehehehe..lagi best...

sLapshock

wow advanced nyer...tmr i will go look out for frame dan paper...nak kena tulis sendiri alamak ai....

thah

hepi besday 2 my prenz...
awal2 lg aku dah msg dia dah...
aku dah beli pun adiah kat dia...
cute....

sLapshock

kawan aku gi redang......

thah

kwn aku ada kat perlis skrunk..aku plak kat putrajaya....
kami dah b'bulan2 xjmp...last jmp last year...windu sgt2 kat dia coz dia lah best frenz aku..
tp aku xpenah putus contact dia....
adiah ni aku nak pos aja...sebab 2 aku beli adiah yg xmudah pecah...
sesuatu yg bermakna n dia suka sgt2....