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This Kind of Breakup Hurts The Most, According to Science
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Edited by solarlunar at 1-10-2017 08:40 PM
Despite what you see in romantic comedies, it takes more than a movie marathon with friends and a big tub of Ben and Jerry’s to truly get over a breakup. And while all breakups are heart-crushing, there’s one type that science has proven to be the most distressing of all.
According to a new study from Cornell University, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, the most hurtful breakup comes from being dumped for someone else—scientifically coined as “comparative rejection.” Apparently, out of the many possible reasons to leave a relationship, being traded for someone else hurts more than partners leaving to “take time for themselves,” because of overall life conflicts, or plain loss of interest—all popular reasons to head to splitsville.
The research involved four different experiments with 600 participants. In the first experiment, two women (who were secretly working with the researchers) were placed in a room with one man. One of the women was instructed to solve a puzzle with the man, the woman, or alone—and secretly advised to choose only to work with the other woman or on her own, leaving the the man to feel “comparatively rejected” on all counts.
The other experiments involved large groups of participants who were asked to imagine certain times they had been rejected, and across each occasion, people recalled feeling the most crushed after being rejected in favor of another person.
Ultimately, each of the four studies revealed that people felt worse when they were rejected for someone else as opposed to being rejected for other reasons, where no one else involved.
According to the study results, comparative rejection triggers greater heartbreak than noncomparative rejection, because “such rejections lead to an increased sense of exclusion and decreased belonging.” (That’s science-speak for “rejected and lonely.”)
But just as heartbreaking as being traded for a new model is not getting any reason at all for the rejection, the researchers found. In that case, the rejected partner would search desperately for an explanation, even if it incited a lot more pain in the long run. If they couldn’t find an answer on their own, the natural assumption would be that someone new was in the picture.
Since heartbreak is often inevitable, the researchers offer some personal advice for dealing with rejection: If you are leaving your partner for someone else, don’t blab about it—or at least not too much. And if you’re leaving for another reason, it’s a good idea to reassure your partner that there isn’t anybody else.
If you’re the rejected party, these are the 15 things to remember to help yourself get over a breakup.
Source: Reader's Digest
https://www.rd.com/advice/relati ... kid=soc-rd-facebook
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X payah kajian pun tau, itu plg melukakan. So tinggal sblm ditinggalkan |
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sisthur... u tepek karangan english pula tu.. sah2 i skip baca kecuali kalau isu semasa
but i still love u  |
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baca juga lah untuk nampak bijak
the most hurtful breakup comes from being dumped for someone else
so kalau nampak ur partner berubah sikit demi sedikit.. sebaiknya korang tinggalkan dulu sebelum dia tinggalkan. kurang 30% rasa kecewa compare kena tinggal.. this is what i did b4. senang sikit nak move on...  |
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Kalau breakup pasal
"Awak terlalu baik utk saya"
Hah, camne plak tu tt? Xdak buat eksprimen? |
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Author |
Post time 3-10-2017 04:57 PM
From the mobile phone
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noraidil_06 replied at 2-10-2017 09:18 AM
X payah kajian pun tau, itu plg melukakan. So tinggal sblm ditinggalkan
Susah nk tinggal org yg kite dh suka, kak.
So jwbnya akan ditinggalkan. |
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Author |
Post time 3-10-2017 04:58 PM
From the mobile phone
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MyNameIsIris replied at 2-10-2017 09:38 AM
sisthur... u tepek karangan english pula tu.. sah2 i skip baca kecuali kalau isu semasa
Haha. Alhamdulillah you baca jugak thread sendu nie.
Love you too. |
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Author |
Post time 3-10-2017 04:59 PM
From the mobile phone
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terma2nkondisi2 replied at 2-10-2017 10:18 AM
Kalau breakup pasal
"Awak terlalu baik utk saya"
Tu alasan semata-mata, sis.
Kononnya tak mau ade hati yg terluka.
Walaupun... |
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Biasanya yang heartbroken due to rejection+ loneliness,bila masuk porum dia akan jadi spesis yang pendengki dan meroyan tak habis.
Kan sis @MyNameIsIris  |
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Any specific forumer???? PM please.
I pun ditinggalkan sbb my late ex-BF ade org lain.
Tp idok lah meroyan tak tentu hala 
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solarlunar replied at 3-10-2017 06:32 PM
Any specific forumer???? PM please.
I pun ditinggalkan sbb my late ex-BF ade org lain.
kat fd adala seketul dua sis spesis yang dimaksudkan,yang diketuai oleh ketua segala saka-manak
Kalu kita belajar utk redho setiap apa yg jadi,inshaa allahhhhhh aman aja hidup. Masalah bila tak bole terima dan move on dgn susunatur tuhan buat,asyiklah meroyan dan melepas geram,dendam dan sakit jiwa kat orang. Berdengki tak sudah tengok insan lain idup bahagia.kesian sungguh |
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Ya. Betul. Kena redha dgn ketentuan Allah s.w.t.
After I break-up dgn my late ex-BF, I jumpa lelaki yg better from him.
From that, I learn yang mmg wujud lagi lelaki yg berkualiti.
Belum pupus lagi. Tp "susah" nk jumpa.
"Rare species" gituh
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solarlunar replied at 3-10-2017 09:37 PM
Ya. Betul. Kena redha dgn ketentuan Allah s.w.t.
After I break-up dgn my late ex-BF, I jumpa le ...
Umpama nak minum teh lemon ais sejuk yg menyegarkan,kita perlu perah lemon tu sekuatnya dulu kan?barulah dpt menikmati lemon ais yg dicampur teh yang sudah diproses dari daun yg dipetik dr ladang.
Sebegitulah metaforanya kehidupan.nak ketemu/dpt yg baik or best,akan nempuh yang tak elok dulu.
Pepatah menyatakan: tuhan mempertemukan kita dengan yang salah dahulu utk kita belajar darinya sebelum betul-betul bertemu dengan jodoh sebenar 
Lambat atau cepat saja;its a matter of time |
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Ala.. stop pening2. Hidup seelok mungkin, nanti adalah prince charming jatuh dari langit kat tengah mana2 jalan hidup kita. |
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yes sis.... kalau semua orang benci dia + dia benci orang, sebaik-baiknya dia pergi masuk gua dan muhasabah diri. cari mana salah dan silap dan perbaiki diri.... bukan pi baca semua post orang yang dia tak suka pastu meroyan kat tred luahan.... sendiri sakit, sendiri emosi, sendiri meroyan... pathetic! |
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MyNameIsIris replied at 4-10-2017 09:51 AM
yes sis.... kalau semua orang benci dia + dia benci orang, sebaik-baiknya dia pergi masuk gua dan ...
Ni kalau dibaca ayat sis tulis ni,harus dia akan direct cop badjet2 ustajah porum jadian  tanpa sikit pun tak mahu mendigest gist yang ingin disampaikan *duhhh
Kesian bila jiwa dah total damage dan total lost,tak leh repair apa.
End up,
Tengok orang lawa, tengok orang bahagia,tengok orang kaya-perli dan berdengki sampai pecah ovari |
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yup.. heartbreak paling susah nak move on bila break up dgn cara kena dump and BF tu already had someone yg tengah tunggu dia... pastu kata punca break sbb kita tak cantik ke ape.. it took me 2-3 yrs nak recover from that relationship, walau i dah couple ngn orang lain within 6 months lepas break up, tp yang relationship2 lain tu kira utk rebound je, bukan sbb nak bebetul.. since then, mmg almost impossible utk cinta orang bebetul.. lesson learnt, and jiwa jadi kental.. hahahahha.. byk scandal, i jatuh hati again and again but never 100% and i move on quickly.. |
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Edited by mbhcsf at 7-10-2017 07:54 AM
i guess memana manusia pun tak suka dishonesty and being manipulated. terutama dalam relationship. apalagi apabila berlaku compartive rejection sebab dia undermined pasangannya pun dari segenap segi, itu memang akan menyakitkan pun.
tapi dalam keadaan yg teraniaya itu menanggung ' sakit emosi ' tu , tak apa , sebab? Allah itu ada dan Maha Adil dan Memahami dan Maha Penyayang so banyak hikmah dapat digarap pun, dan sebaik baiknya , saya suka pesanan ustazah norhafizah Musa on coping dengan ujian ni - biarkan dan let go walaupun sakit sebab kalau kita meronta dan tak redha , kita makin terbelit dalam gumpalan emosi yg negatif , susah naak accept dan terbelit dalam belitan takdir tu , so...kalau nak senang jgn meronta , tahan dan hadapi dan redha...yups , then you are liberated easily sebab , senang je nak ' keluar' dari kekusutan emosi itu.
tapi ini latihan atau proses pembeljaran atau pembinaan kekuatan diri yg perlukan masa tapi once you dah belajar terima , insya Allah , hikmahnya itu menguatkan.
dan ..apa yg lebih penting ialah , ujian itu membuatkan kita berfikir untuk tidak menjadi manusia seperti itu.
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Yg pasti bila tgh kecewa ni, time is not our friend. Rase lame je nak berlalu mase tu. Tu yg menyesakkan jiwa kot. Apehal la aku kt sini pulakk |
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Category: Cinta & Perhubungan
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Post time 1-10-2017 08:39 PM
变色卡
