50 Sebab Kenapa Perempuan Perlukan Lelaki. VIDEO

abgsedapmalam · Post time 19-12-2014 11:27 PM

50 reasons why a woman really DOES need a man! The list by Jane Gordon, who is on her own for the first time in 30 years, is irreverent, poignant and very funny...

Jane once believed 'a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle'
But living on her own has changed her mind
Now found plenty of reasons why life is better with a man in the house

By JANE GORDON FOR THE DAILY MAIL

PUBLISHED: 22:08 GMT, 17 December 2014 |

Lonely this Christmas: Jane has realised she does need a man

Like millions of young women today there was a time when I was convinced that there was nothing a man could do that I couldn't do better.

I even had a framed cartoon of Irina Dunn's famous feminist phrase, 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle', hanging on my study wall.

I might still hold such sexist views if, for the first time in 30 years, I hadn't had to face the reality of living without a man.

But I was wrong. Six months after moving — alone — into an idyllic country cottage, I am slowly coming to realise that there are, in fact, plenty of things I need a man for. And no, not that.

So, with apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, let me count the ways that this woman needs a man.

1) To zip — and unzip — tricky party dresses.

2) It is a cliche for women to say that all their husbands are good for is 'putting out the rubbish' - but they've got a point. The combination of wheelie bins and fortnightly collections means I need a man to push my monstrous bin down the gravel path to the road.

3) I have yet to hang a picture in my home. I need a man who can work an electric drill and knows what a rawlplug is.

4) I desperately need a man to hog my remote control and stop me rotting my brain on reality drivel such as The Real Housewives Of New Jersey, Ladies Of London and Made In Chelsea.

5) I need a man to tell me what I want to hear when I ask him, 'do I look good in this?' Even when I know that the answer — 'gorgeous' — is a total lie.

6) I need a man to change the halogen lights in my bathroom where I have been showering by torchlight for four weeks.

7) You tell me how a 5ft 5in, 8st woman is meant to lug a 6ft Christmas tree home, stand the damn thing up and then put a star on top? I need a man for Christmas (but not necessarily for life).

8) It turns out I am the one who makes all the mess, loses the keys and the mobile phone charger. I need a man to blame.

You shall go to the ball: Men are good at helping you zip up tricky party dresses

9) I need a man to scratch that hard-to-reach itchy spot in the middle of my back.

10) I need a man to watch horror films with me and say (in the way I used to resent): 'Why are you frightened? This rubbish is about as scary as Scooby Doo.'

11) For walking the dog — in the rain.

12) For picking up dog poo — in any weather.

13) I need a man to explain to me what goes in the green recycling wheelie, what can go in the grey general waste wheelie, and what to put in the small kerbside food- waste caddy.

14) It's always my turn to drive now. I need a man to share the allocated driving duties.

15) Likewise, it's always me who has to fill up the car with petrol.

16) I need a man to force me to open those nasty brown envelopes and fill in my tax return.

17) I have spent the past fortnight making bacon butties and brewing tea for my houseful of builders. I need a man to say: 'Try the cafe up the road', because I am too frightened to refuse them.

Helping hand needed: Changing a light bulb is easily - if you are tall enough to reach them

18) My new cottage is so dark outside at night that last week coming home from a party (completely sober) I fell, spraining my ankle. I need a man with a torch to hold my hand and walk me to my door.

19) All my life I have suffered from icy feet, and hot-water bottles are hopeless because they are cold at 3am when you need them the most. I need a man to keep my feet warm at night (no funny business, mind).

20) I love a log fire at Christmas but, no matter how many firelighters I use, it smoulders and goes out. I need a man to bring the wood in and build a roaring fire every night.

21) Last month, I had to call out an emergency plumber who charged me ￡100 for something I always used to get done for free. I need a man who knows his way around a ballcock (and to deal with rip-off tradesmen).

22) At least three times a week my cat comes through her flap with a live rodent in her mouth. I need a man capable of putting said rodent out of its — and my — misery and to take out all the bodies.

23) After six months of manoeuvring my Fiat 500 down muddy country lanes it's now difficult to tell what colour it is. I have a phobia about those mechanical car-washes and I don't think you can call out the AA to clean your car, so I need a man to keep my white car white.

24) Every man I've ever known was convinced women were incapable of loading a dishwasher properly, something I didn't kick up a feminist fuss about. Now I'm in charge it doesn't drain properly and nothing comes out clean. I need a man to take back control of the dishwasher.

25) I need a man with strong shoulders to cry on and say 'it's only a film, the dog didn't really die,' the next time I sob my heart out over Marley And Me.

Picture perfect: I have yet to hang a picture in my home. I need a man who can work an electric drill and knows what a rawlplug is, Jane writes

Last edited by abgsedapmalam on 19-12-2014 11:37 PM

abgsedapmalam · Post time 19-12-2014 11:28 PM

26) It took me six months to notice that I have a giant loft big enough to take all that 'stuff' that I put into storage when I moved. I need a strong man (who'd have found it on day one) to fill the loft and save me ￡150 a month.

27) Oh, how I miss being able to get all that bitching and moaning off my chest, safe in the knowledge that my ex isn't listening to a word I'm saying. Yes, I need a man to NOT listen to me (and talking to myself doesn't count).

28) I never buy socks for myself and on the few occasions when I needed a pair I used to sneak them from his drawers. I need a man to steal/borrow socks from.

29) I need a man who knows the difference between a Phillips and a flathead screwdriver and save me from self-assembly hell.

30) It is impossible to pull off wellies on your own.

31) I need a man to carve the turkey and set light to the Christmas pudding.

32) Recently my nephew gave me a lift to a family party and I was really touched by the gallant way that he rushed to open the passenger door for me. I complimented him on his manners but he laughed and explained that he had to open the door from the outside because of child locks. I need a man to remind me that the age of chivalry really is dead (or prove it isn't).

33) I'd forgotten how many times I lied about my ex being sick, ill or working late to get out of doing things. I need a man as my excuse for not going to Christmas drinks with the scary couple at No 10.

Addiction: Candy Crush is Jane's temptation

34) Now I'm alone I have become worryingly addicted to playing Candy Crush on my iPad. I need a man who will make me delete the Candy Crush app (or, better still, play it with me).

35) I need a man who knows which of the dozen cables at the back of my TV he needs to fiddle with when the 'no signal' message comes on screen.

36) Now that I don't have to justify everything I buy I am hugely overdrawn. I need a man to tell me that 'clothes don't make the woman' and to confiscate my credit card.

37) Despite my previous love of scented candles, infusers and room sprays I now find them too sickly sweet. I need a man to fill the house with raw, woody — sometimes objectionable — masculine odours that I didn't realise I would miss.

38) My ex used to exasperate me by turning off the lights. But now I no longer live in semi-darkness and have to pay the huge EDF bill that arrived today, I have to admit I need a man to go round the house and turn off the lights.

39) Now I am living alone my bathroom is as soulless as a hotel en suite. I need a man to leave shaving foam over the mirror, toe-nail clippings in the bath and the loo seat up.

40) With no male bathroom presence I can't sneakily use his razor to shave my legs with and have to remember to buy my own. I need a man to put up with me blunting the blade of his Gillette.

41) Living on my own has taken all the fun out of food. I need a man to say 'what shall we have for dinner tonight?' and to sit at the table with me and talk and laugh.

42) I know it's pathetic but I can't face going to the cinema alone and my female friends only want to see romantic comedies. I need a man who hates girlie movies to sit next to me in the cinema.

43) The best part of going to a dinner party was the wicked post-mortem that occurred in the car on the way home. Now there is no 'best part' because I leave alone.

Two's company: Men are great at walking the dog in the cold and wet... and picking up their mess

44) My new range oven has a 48-page 'quick-start' manual that I can't decipher. I need a man to explain in laywoman's language how to turn it on.

45) My lack of spatial awareness has always been a problem and resulted in several near-death parking experiences. I need a man to guide me into tight spots and push me out of ditches.

46) How am I going to toast New Year if I can't budge a cork out of a champagne bottle without a spanner? I need a man to get the cork out with just his bare hands — and share a drink with me.

47) You hear some strange, scary noises in the country at night. I need a man to calmly explain that it's just the floorboards settling and not a crazed axe man coming to kill me.

48) For ten days I have been suffering from a sore throat and cold that has made me worry that it might actually be terminal. I need a man to make me Lemsip and tell me: 'Don't worry darling, it's just woman-flu.'

49) We really are the weaker sex — and the shorter one. I need a man with the strength to open a jar of cranberry sauce with one hand and the height to reach the top shelf in the kitchen with the other.

50) And finally, I really need a man so that I can seek his opinion on things — and then do the exact opposite of what he says.

Last edited by abgsedapmalam on 19-12-2014 11:40 PM