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Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations
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Old Age
Better late than never..
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to
you on the first of April of this year?
Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front
porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on
the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner
passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little old Woman: He began to rub my bre*sts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive
and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down
and said to him..."Take me. young man...Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little old Woman: Hell, no. he just yelled,
"April Fool!" ... And that's when I shot the little b8stard |
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Football anyone?
Alex Ferguson visited London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Wenger asks Henry to come over and asks: 'Thierry, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is not difficult', Henry answers immediately, 'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Wenger says to Fergie. Ferguson decides to try this the next day. He calls Wayne Rooney over: 'Wayne, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is the striker's reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I answer tomorrow?' Fergie agrees. So that night Rooney decides to call Ryan Giggs. 'Ryan, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is easy, that is me!', says Ryan Giggs. So the next day Rooney walks full of confidence to Ferguson. Fergie asks: 'Wayne, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'It is Ryan Giggs!' Ferguson answers: 'No of course not, you stupid idiot. It's Thierry Henry.' |
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Sticking Your Foot In Your Mouth |
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Now you know what to do with your out-dated computers! |
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Roses just weren't good enough, so I'm sending you a bouquet of kittens! |
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Little Johnny's Drawing
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 9-4-2007 07:48 PM ] |
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The Drunken Groom They don't call it "liquid Courage" for nothing. |
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Reasons why I never visit my rich friend
Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and.....
Question : "What would you like to have..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,
Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino,or Coffee?"
Answer: " Tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea,Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Iced tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, or fresh cream?
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat's milk, or cow's milk"
Answer: "With cow's milk please.
Question: " Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll just take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer: "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I think I'll just die of thirst
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 9-4-2007 07:50 PM ] |
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Football fans
A Spurs fan and a Man.City fan got involved in a car accident, and it's a bad one.
Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the Spurs fan says, "So you're anMC fan, that's interesting. I'm a Spurs fan... Wow! Just look at ourcars, there's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must bea sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together inpeace for the rest of our days."
The Man.City fan replied, "I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"
The Spurs fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. Mycar is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break.Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."
Then he hands the bottle to the Man.City fan. The Man.City fan nods hishead in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle,then handing it back to the Spurs fan.
The Spurs fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Man.City fan.
The Man.City fan asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The Spurs fan replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..." |
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Ice Fishing
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the righttools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfyon her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then fromthe heavens a voice boomed, "THERE IS NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."Startled,the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hotchocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voiceboomed, "THERE IS NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." This time quite scared, theblonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another holeand once again the voice said, "THERE IS NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."Thevery scared blonde raised her head and said, "Is that you, Lord?"Thevoice answered, "NO.
IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK. :cak::cak::cak: |
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The Law & Order
Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the worst answer.
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his firstwitness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs Jones , do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a bigdisappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulatepeople and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a bigshot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount toanything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed acrossthe room and asked,"Mrs.Jones. do you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr.Bradley since he was ayoungster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. Hecan't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice isone of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on hiswife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I knowhim."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a veryquiet voice, said, "If either of you *****s asks her if she knows me,I'll throw you in jail for contempt! |
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Why You Should Never Carpool |
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Untiring Love This is a true story that happened in Japan.
In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tore open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside was hammered into one of its feet. He saw this, felt pity, and at the same time he was curious. When he checked the nail, turns out, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.
What happened?
The lizard had survived in such a position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind boggling. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years without moving a single step--since its foot was nailed!
So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it had been doing, and what and how it has been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came, appeared another lizard, with food in its mouth.
Ahh! He was stunned and at the same time, touched deeply. Another lizard had been feeding the stuck one for the past 10 years...
Such love, such a beautiful love! Such love happened with this tiny creature...
What can love do?
It can do wonders!
Love can do miracles!
Just think about it; one lizard had been feeding the other one
untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.
If a small creature like a lizard can love like this... just imagine how we can love if we try.
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A Sign Your Wife May Be Cheating On You |
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Test for your Mental Ability.
See Carefully and find a Beautiful Girl..
Concentrate for Atleast 10 Seconds
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Reply #197 TheHawk's post
tengkiu Hawk... ani hom suka ceta ah...
keep posting..
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Category: Negeri & Negara
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Author
Post time 15-4-2007 05:05 PM
