Rasa tak selesa dengan hubungan suami isteri.

Dewa19XKangen

susah nie,kepala tegaq,egois,lagipun ang niat dah ada nak berpisah,tau undang2 lg,semart..

munchkin

Mariah91 posted on 24-4-2014 01:17 AM
Saya faham maksud puan/encik. Terima kasih. Walaupun keras, puan/encik memang betul. Saya dah mint ...

Tt lebih tahu apa yang tt rasa. Marriage ni demands from both parties. Both parties kena berubah. Kalau tt sorang berubah tak jadi. So same goes to the husband.

If you thinj jiwa raga terseksa for whatever reasons,then just go ahead. Never mind what others may think or judge. It does not really matter because it is not their marriage. You cannot force something onto some one.

Mariah91

munchkin posted on 24-4-2014 01:32 AM
Tt lebih tahu apa yang tt rasa. Marriage ni demands from both parties. Both parties kena berubah.  ...

Thank you so much for your understanding. The problem with our society, they tend to judge a woman like me. They claim I am being vain and arrogant for things that I have. Indeed, frankly speaking, my husband is way higher than me in so many aspects, be it wealth, look, position or whatever it is. Those things aren't the matters I am chasing for. I just... susah nak explain. Nak cakap pon payah. I feel all alone sebab I rase tak ada siapa yang faham I. Rasa macam nak jerit je.

storyboard

TT, maaf kalau bahasa aku tadi kasar.. tapi aku rasa dalam masalah ko nie ego tu yang jadi punca utama. Yes, u may able to raise your child but think 1 step behind.. are you willing to see her/him live without parent besides? Yang jadi mangsa adalah anak.. people can change.. i believed u as well. cuma sekarang usia ko masih muda dan ko impikan cita2 ko jadi kenyataan. Well, marriage didn't stop you from achive your dreams.

But if you choose to divorce, then it's up to you.. tapi sian la kat anak tu..

munchkin

Mariah91 posted on 24-4-2014 01:45 AM
Thank you so much for your understanding. The problem with our society, they tend to judge a woman ...

Have you tried self counselling. Gi jumpa counselor perhaps. Not good for you to stress yourself sebab you are expecting. You can tell them how you feel.

Sometimes yoga or other kind of exercises are good to release stress.

Sometimes hormones dont do you justice.

You may want to consider all this aspects. Hormones pun boleh affect your energy and the way you handle things. Hormones can make you go crazy!

Am just sharing info yea.

Mariah91

munchkin posted on 24-4-2014 02:03 AM
Have you tried self counselling. Gi jumpa counselor perhaps. Not good for you to stress yourself s ...

My husband did suggest that as he is working in the healthcare settings. But you know, sometimes we are just not ready to share personal stuffs with others. Unlike here, people can't really see me. Still, if I were happened to attend for sessions, I have to sit face to face, and most of them even my husband's friends. Susah, at the end of the day, judgement would take place. I am not questioning their credibiities as they are well-trained professionals. but hey, we are human being, bukan malaikat. sedikit sebanyak, info I nanti mesti mereka digest to come up with their own conclusion. I takut nanti mereka buruk sangka dekat my husband as I do care about him. I can go for sessions, yet the one psychologist has to be a complete stranger for me, so that I can all out, not among my husband's friends. Besides, my huband is very very busy and  I have to admit that I am so dependent on him as I can't drive. I ada anxiety and am prescribing medicine, particularly anti-stress pills. Since I am expcting, I tak boleh makan ubat tu, takut ada side effect dekat baby. Susahnya sebab I memang depend dekat ubat tu.

Mariah91

storyboard posted on 24-4-2014 02:03 AM
TT, maaf kalau bahasa aku tadi kasar.. tapi aku rasa dalam masalah ko nie ego tu yang jadi punca uta ...

It's okay. Maybe you got emotional because I am not being fair to my husband. Your words were harsh, yet ada rasional. Anyway, TQ. Kalau dah bersedia post problem dekat sini, kenelah telan semua feedback, ye tak?

munchkin

Mariah91 posted on 24-4-2014 02:15 AM
My husband did suggest that as he is working in the healthcare settings. But you know, sometimes w ...

Dear,

I kalau nak gi jumpa or even nak beli barang pun, i takkan pergi ngan among my circle of family/friend.

It is best for you to seek help from people that you do not know. So that you can go in with open heart and open mind. Same goes to the person who is going to help you. Kalau pergi ngan kawan hubby or families, they may take sides.

Since tt mentioned that you are under anti stress medication, then i nderstand why you are acting like the way you are acting now.

Anyway, i've read somewhere in the magazine ada sorang pompuan dependent on medication, but dia start exercising buat yoga. Exercising releases endorphine. Makes you relax. That particular lady, not on pills anymore. But she has to exercise regularly.

Why dont you try exercising as you cannot consme any anti depressant? Try first. Tak cuba maka tak tahu. Senaman pun boleh tingkatkan stamina dan tenaga juga.

storyboard

Aku tak faham tt.. just now u mentioned that u really..really...really.. love him. but on the other parts, u dah start benci dia.. Marriage is sharing.. our spouse not only able to become husband/wife, but also our good friend, shoulder to cry and so on..  Aku hanya tak setuju yang perkahwinan ini satu bebanan. Sebenarnya perkawinan itu satu anugerah..

doubleA

Mariah91 posted on 24-4-2014 01:13 AM
Yes I do love him. But the thing is, as I have undergone marriage lives, I have the feeling that m ...

sorry if i ask this kind of question : how was your relationship with Allah?
do u believe that everything happened with a reason? no such thing as coincidence. behind everything happened, there are 1000 miracles and lessons to be learnt.
i disagree when u said your marriage is a mistake. takkan tak pernah ada sekelumit rasa bahagia atau gembira masa baru kahwin dulu?
maybe apa yg u rasa adalah masalah yg bertimpa2 lepas kahwin, where u can't manage your life with study, your ambition, and your marriage.

yes, u are right. marriage is about responsibility. and masalah u sebab u rasa tak boleh nak beri komitmen pada perkahwinan right?
rendahkan ego u sikit, better talk heart to heart with your husband, tell him what's your problem, its better than consult with psychologist if u dont want others to know your problems and jump into conclusion. or share your problem with the one u trust, anyone from your family (parents) perhaps?

marriage tak menghalang u dgn cita2 u kalau u boleh balance masa u utk capai dua2. nak besarkan anak as a single mom byk sgt cabarannya.
think twice. sila bermesyuarat dgn husband u dulu utk dapatkan jalan penyelesaian atau kata sepakat.
may Allah guide u.

Mariah91

munchkin posted on 24-4-2014 02:29 AM
Dear,

I kalau nak gi jumpa or even nak beli barang pun, i takkan pergi ngan among my circle of ...

I see. I actually memang tak boleh memandu. Ada lesen, tapi tak boleh after I had severe experience on driving. Setiap kali I pegang stereng, I got panick, sweating all around, and even shaking. Masa tu lah my parents start to refer me dengan relevant clinician. And even in crowd, sometimes, I got pannick and have trouble bernafas. Maybe you're right. Thanks for the tips, anyway. Feel pleasure as finally there is someone ou there yang faham I

storyboard

doubleA posted on 24-4-2014 02:41 AM
sorry if i ask this kind of question : how was your relationship with Allah?
do u believe that e ...

setuju dengan pandangan kawan kita nie. not to side to your hubby but try start to call him 'abg' and share your feelings. Ucapkan kata2 sayang pada dia. Maybe things can change from there.. bukan semua lelaki jahat dan tak bertanggung jawab..  n kalau lah u kata lelaki ni tak boleh ditunjukkan kasih sayang,  kenapa ramai je pasangan bahagia di luar sana.. we are not here to punish or blame u but to help you dik..

munchkin

Mariah91 posted on 24-4-2014 02:43 AM
I see. I actually memang tak boleh memandu. Ada lesen, tapi tak boleh after I had severe experienc ...

Everybody is born different. Dont worry.

Try yoga. Dulu i amik class. Lepas belajar say 1-2 months, i buat basic kat rumah je. The breathing technique is good. I understand hos you feel the anxiety attack etc. strange bila husband you ada background in this line tapi fail to understand. Lagi lagi bila sekarang ni you tengah pregnant and tak boleh amik any medication. So it is unfair to push you into a corner and thus resulting in you retaliating by asking for a divorce.

Subconsciously your husband is aware of your problem. I also understand why he is not into divorcing you at the moment as he is may be afraid that you might do something unthinkable based on your current issues/problems. He also needs counselling as he cannot be continuing his attitude of pushing you. Pushing your buttons will not solve this problems.

There are yoga for pregnant lady as well. You can also search on youtubes and perhaps attend first few classes to get some ideas. The key is proper breathing technique. That you must learn. The rest you boleh buat kat rumah based on the videos.

Get all the help that you can so that you can get better. Both of you go and get help. Advisable to go for counselling outside the common circle. Your husband tak yah lah nak pandai2 bagi tahu, he works in this line sebab sekarang ni he is working in this line pun tak leh paham why isteri acting like this. So pergi as normal human being yang reall need help. First maybe go separately. Then bila counsellor panggil, then maybe both of you can enter. He can say his piece and you can say yours too. Mana tahu. Kalau dia nak berubah. Then kalau dia tak nak berubah then you know what to do.

Perhaps you may want to put on hold of your decision asking for a divorce since you yourself know that there is a problem here. But if you think that there is no way that both of you can solve this problem, then you may go ahead with the pre planned decision.

intriQue

salam,

kerana bagi saya, mengakui menyayanginya boleh menjatuhkan maruah saya sebagai wanita.

knp TT rasa dgn mengaku sayang pada suami sendiri akan menjatuhkan maruah TT sebagai wanita?  That man is your husband and you r his wife.  Bukan bf and gf ...nak rasa maruah jatuh ke apa.

To love and to be loved back are the most wonderful feelings.  True.  Mencintai Allah yg utama.  Learn to love your husband for the sake of Allah.  If we love Allah,  other things will fall into places.  

Gosok baju, masak, kemas rumah etc etc for your husband/marriage in not really your main job here.  All that can be done by others i.e. maid, cook, cleaners.  But one thing that cannot be done or replace by others is the intimate act together in your bedroom.  Fikir2 lah.  

Husbands n wives need support from each other.  Your problems at home obviously have affected his job performance. I think men are like that. Marital problems always get to them coz men don't simply talk about this particular problem wiz anyone.  Kalau masalah kerja or lain2, diorang boleh open up dgn org.

But yr problem is not just skin deep.  I think the root cause here is your anxiety.  U need to deal with that first and foremost.  Your husband and your marriage are just the punch bag.

You said you love him.  I'm sure he loves you too.  Give yourself a break.  Don't be so insecure.  His success is also your success.  Let him help you help yourself.

akula203

As Salam...

Since ko bertanya kat sini..meaning ko tgh berperang dgn diri ko skrg nie...ko confused betul ke apa yg ko sedang buat skrg nie....jawaban dia jelas..mmg tak betul....dan ko pun tau...cuma ego ko yg buat ko tak nak mengakuinya...

utk cari penyelesaian kpd masalah ko ni....ko sila tgk dan kaji...cam ne ko dibesarkan ...cam ne family ko....adakah mmg kasih sayang itu adalah sesuatu yg tak pernah diamalkan dalam family ko..???  ko biasa tak diucapkan dgn kata2 sayang..??? biasa tak dipeluk oleh parent..?? kalau dalam semasa ko membesar..perkara2 tu tidak pernah diamalkan..mmg amat sukar utk ko mengamalkan nya jugak...bukan hanya sekadar ego ko..tp jugak..enviroment ko dibesarkan menjadikan ko ygn skrg ni...

pendapat aku.....ko dah ada sorg suami yg pada pendapat aku...agak sempurna la....ada rupa paras..pekerjaan yg baik...dan amat sygkan ko..kalau dia tak sygkan ko...sure dia takkan fikir panjang utk ceraikan ko...

so apa yg ko perlu buat....fikir dalam2 apa sebenar2nya masalah ko....mesti ada something yg hanya Allah dan ko je yg tau..sebab apa ko bersikap spt skrg nie....pas tuh...ko ajak somi ko berbincang secara baik.....cakap kat dia..kalau dia nak kekalkan perkahwinan ni....dia kena bantu ko...

ko fikirkan dalam2 apa yg membuatkan ko tak selesa dgn perkahwinan ini...pas tu ko listkan....sebelum ko bg list tu kat dia..soh dia berjanji..jgn terus nak membantah atau melenting....soh dia baca satu2 yg ko listkan tuh....dan soh dia amik masa sebanyak mana yg dia nak....boleh tak dia bertolak ansur dgn permintaan ko tuh....mungkin akan ada satu/dua yg dia tak boleh tolerate....nt korang bincangkan secara profesional...dan cuba cari titik tolak ansur yg mana dua2 akan setuju....

ko bakal menjadi peguam dan pejuang wanita...ko kena ada seorg lelaki yg memahami ko disamping ko....dan ko jugak kena memahami lelaki jugak..baru ko dpt memperjuangkan nasib wanita yg betul2 teraniaya....bukan nt ko akan terus melabel semua  lelaki ni kejam dan zalim..amat ramai lelaki yg baik2...tp sebab nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga...

apekebende

ohhh patut la kat neraka banyak perempuan

Innrukia

apekebende posted on 24-4-2014 11:59 AM
ohhh patut la kat neraka banyak perempuan

pandai tapi tak bijak.....

Even tt ni nampak tegas tp dia tak tau apa yg dia nak.
Sebab berkahwin pun tak jelas.... dh kawen, buat suami cam bukan muhrim...
Konon ramai pompuan jd mangsa sbb bg too much kat suami
Byk lagik kecelaruan kat tt ni.... malas aku nak elaborate satu persatu...
Kang yg dia reply, aku tak paham situasi dia.....

Mariah91

akula203 posted on 24-4-2014 09:27 AM
As Salam...

Since ko bertanya kat sini..meaning ko tgh berperang dgn diri ko skrg nie...ko confus ...

Salam.

Terima kasih di atas 'feedback'. FYI, abah left ibu masa saya tengah sekolah menengah. Suami was actually my long abandon ex-classmate and we met again when I was working as a flight attendance. That time, ibu was really sick. I had no one to rely on. My siblings memak porak-peranda. Abang entah mana-mana. Saya sendiri tak tahu. Abang tinggalkan ibu dengan saya. Saya baru habis sekolah. Rezeki saya murah, ada kawan yang offer kerja dekat KLIA, sebab nak pakai tudung, saya jadi flight attendance. Kemudian, kami bertunang dan sekarang kami dah jadi suami isteri. Masa dibangku sekolah, saya tak lama kenal suami because once after abah left ibu, we moved to kampung. Last year, ibu left me permanently as Allah loves her more. You don't know how my ibu suffered due to the separation.

Lula2

'Bagi saya, mencintai seorang insan, harus berpada-pada, kerana yang paling layak dicintai sepenuh jiwa, hanyalah Allah. '

tunaikan tanggungjawab terhadap suami juga wajib..kalau suami murka kt tt adakah tt rase Allah tu syg pd tt??Allah juga murka...

ini bkn cinta berpada pada..ni lgsg xcinta...n tt betul2 cintakan Allah sepenuh hati ke..???

Mariah91

akula203 posted on 24-4-2014 09:27 AM
As Salam...

Since ko bertanya kat sini..meaning ko tgh berperang dgn diri ko skrg nie...ko confus ...

and.. you're right, saya memang tengah bertarung sekarang ni sebab saya akui, suami saya bukan malaikat. Sampai bila suami nak sabar dengan saya. Saya minta cerai cara elok-elok, suami suruh cuba dulu. Saya memang tak naik suara dengan suami kerana fikirkan dosa pahala. Tambahan pula, suami saya memang soft-spoken. apa yang saya luahkan di sini, hanya kalimah yang bermain-main dalam diri saya. Saya betul-betul kesian dengan suami saya, suami layak dapat perempuan yang jauh lebih baik. Obviously, saya bukan orangnya.