Love Doc: Q & A Here (Especially for the Ladies)

yoghurtmasam · Post time 19-5-2008 06:55 PM

Originally posted by devil at 21-2-2008 03:14 AM
what do the ladies really think about 3th parties??? i mean when a girl become 'that',is she really a b***h? how abt the 1 that..didnt mean for it to hapen???

aku pun kdg2 tpikir dlu aku ni 3rd party sbb after breaking up with his 8-years-gf, in 3month bf aku confessed yg die suke kt aku since die ngn ex die lg..mmg gelabah gak sbb ktorg mmg rapat n aku takut aku la punca dorg break up..

amik ms gak aku nk trime die n caye kt die..eventhough die mati2 ckp bkn aku punca dorg break up, kdg2 aku tdetik gak "btul ke..?"

tp hopefully bkn aku la puncenye..

skg ktorg ni hepi2 je..family aku pn trime die..cume aku je yg lum jumpe family die..tkut woo..

hanidynaz · Post time 1-6-2008 07:46 PM

ifan nak tanya...i ada seorang kawan lelaki yg rapat dgn i...apa2 hal dia selalu minta tolong dgn i sampai kan nak jahitkan butang baju pun
dia minta tolong i jahitkan utk dia.Kadang2 dia minta i masakkan utk dia...Sebelum ni kami mmg rapat..tapi semenjak kebelakangan ni i rasa dia dgn i dah tak rapat mcm dulu. I rasa antara kami skrg dah mcm ada jurang...dia tak lagi mcm dulu..kadang2 dia ckp kat i dia segan....tak tau lah kenapa dia jadi mcm tu.sampai i pun rasa sedih sbb dah tak rapat dgn dia lagi..bole ifan tolong tak...kenapa kawan i jadi mcm tu...i penah tanya dia tapi dia ckp sbb dia busy dgn keje...

sweetpea911 · Post time 2-6-2008 04:12 PM

ifan..i need you opinions here..

i met this one nice guy..introduced by my friend..

actually, dia yg mntk kwn i carikkan dia sorang partner..sbb dia rasa mcm
sunyi sgt lately..ditambah dgn org2 keliling yg bz body sbb dia still single..
then, kwn i tnjukkan gambar i dkt dia..n dia pun nak kenal dgn i..
dia ckp i cute..

then ktrg pun exchange phone number..
so..drpd call kepada sms..tak lupa chatting di ym..i rasa seronok kenal dgn
this guy..dia pulak jenis yg suka bercerita..n bnda yg paling i suka psl dia ialah
dia suka masak..n close dgn family members..

dia pun ckp seronok sembang dgn i, text dgn i..smpi housemate dia tegur dia
asik gelak sorang2 masa sms dgn i..smpi lah 1 hari, dia ajak i keluar minum..
so..ktrg pun berjumpa la for the first time..sblm tu dia risau kalau2 dia x sama
mcm dlm phone sbb dia kata dia pendiam sbnrnya..tp, bila jmpe mmg okay sgt2..
ktrg boleh sembang n gelak2 mcm dlm phone..i pun tak control2 ayu..
mmg rasa enjoy sgt..

lps balik tu, i rasa i dah suka sgt dkt this guy..

tp...
since lps jmpe hari tu (which was 4 days ago)..dia mcm menyepikan diri..
tp dia ada bgtau i, family dia dtg weekend aritu..so mmg bz sgt2..
x smpt nak sms, call..
1 i hantar sms, 1 la dia bls..kalau i x sms, dia pun x sms lgsg..smlm, i lgsg x sms
maka dia pun x sms..

pg td..i saja anta sms good morning..dia reply..n then ckp dia demam..
hari ni MC..so, i just ckp take care n senyap balik..

so..i nak tny u..

a) adakah dia menghantar mesej bhw dia sbnrnya tak berminat?
so..hrp2 i paham2 je lah..

then..kalau betul tp i nak try jugak pikat this guy

, what should i do?
tanpa menunjukkan mcm i desperate sgt?

tq..

[ Last edited by sweetpea911 at 2-6-2008 03:16 PM ]

ifanonline · Post time 2-6-2008 05:30 PM

A sweet case of merajuk la ni. Maybe ada perbuatan, percakapan, etc yang u buat telah menyinggung perasaan dier. Mungkin you tak perasan perbuatan u tu, tapi dier notice. Cuba pujuk dier pelan2...

ifanonline · Post time 2-6-2008 05:38 PM

Sometime kalau guys cakap dier bz...memang dier bz. Tapi busy2 pun takkan tak sempat balas sms tak? If he still have the time to reply to your sms, maksudnya dier masih berminat dengan u even thou he said that he is busy.

This is my suggestion. Why not you belanja dier makan. Lelaki kalau nak tengok perempuan tu berminat dengan dier atau tidak, that girl will belanja makan. It shows that you really like him and hopefully in the future you want to take care of him. Dengan memberikannya makanan mcm kucing (just joking...hehehe), dier akan rasa dirinya dipelihara mcm kucing (joking again...hehehe).

Ask him out this weekend...

sweetpea911 · Post time 3-6-2008 12:00 AM

your suggestion sounds interesting..

i've my plan..i ingat i nak buat2 bodoh je sms dia good morning n gudnite
everyday..tanpa kisah dia nak reply or not..then, after a week kalau
still x de progress, then i quit..assuming this guy mmg lgsg x interested..

ok..i'll try ask him out this weekend..ckp nak belanja dia mkn sbb
masa first date aritu dia dah blanje i ..tanpa hrpn yg tinggi sgt..
kalau dia nak then its a good sign..kalau tak..hmmm..

anyway..tq ifan..

wish me luck..

hanidynaz · Post time 4-6-2008 01:16 AM

Thanks ifan.....i tak tau lah kalu ada perbuatan i yg buat dia tersinggung...
i dah minta maaf kat dia..i ckp kalu i ada buat silap i minta maaf....dia pun ok jer
masa i minta maaf....tapi sekarang ni dia mmg banyak membisu..kalu dulu i hantar sms cepat jer dia balas
tapi sekarang tak lagi....entahlah ifan..i pun tak tau apa salah i..

maybank · Post time 4-6-2008 11:59 PM

Dr Ifan, ni 1st time saya masuk kat sii sbb saya tak penah terpiki yg saya akan rasa kecewa dlm becinta. He's my 1st true love. Dulu i penah becinta dgn suami org. Masa tu 1st time becinta...so tak tau apa2. He help me to run away from this old guy. After that i stuck dgn dia.

It's been 2 years, n month ago dia kuar dgn sorg pompuan witout me knowing it. Dia terkantoi sbb dia terdail my number n i heard their conversation. Takde apa yg istimewa pun conversation tu tp yg wat i rasa kecewa bila dia bg tau dia kuar dgn family dia sedangkan i dah tau. Then dia ngaku dia bg alasan sbb dia taknak kecikkan hati i. Tp he admit that there's nothing between them. I takleh terima langsung sbb dia sanggup tipu i mcm tu. I ni jenis yg kalau dah marah akan terkuar la semua kata2 yg tak patut. So dipendekkan cerita dia kecik ati wit my words.

After that, we on n off. Semua ni berlaku dlm bulan Mei, 1st week of mei, he try to pujuk i balik n i terima dia lik sbb i know that i can't live witout him...i know it sound crazy. 2nd week dia ckp mak dia tak berkenaan kat i plak. I was surpurised sbb selama ni mak dia ok dgn i. 3rd week, i minta dia g peluang kat i utk amik ati mak dia balik. Dia ckp ok. n then minggu ni he call me n he mengaku he meet someone else n tak sanggup nak tipu i lagi. Alasan mak dia tu sebenarnya is not that big...tu cuma alasan. Apa yg i paling kecewa sbb pompuan yg dgn dia tu kwn yg dia kenal 3 tahun tapi cuma baik dgn dia lepas kami gado a month ago...

Skrg ni i keep on blaming myownself sbb i start the fight. I tak patut ada rasa curiga yg sampai tahap tu sekali. Our fight dah buka peluang kat org laon utk amik kesempatan. Bulan mei adalah bulan air mata for me. rasanya akan berlarutan sampai jun kot ntah laa....

wat the best thing i should do? i love this guy so much. i tak nak kehilangan dia sbb he tell me that he still love me it just that dia tgh confused skrg ni. I pun confused gak sbb tak tau nape i still leh nak lagi kat dia lepas apa dah dia wat. I'm so crazy in love.

ifanonline · Post time 5-6-2008 12:03 PM

Looking at the symptoms, i doubt you can be in a relationship with this guy. Maybe you can compromise for the time being but, eventually you will give up sooner or later. My advice is that you talk to him about the relationship whether you and him should pursue it further. If yes, ask for his honesty and cooperation. If not, you can just walk away.

Relationship is like interviews, you need to do some work and find the right candiddate for the job.

sweetpea911 · Post time 5-6-2008 12:14 PM

ifan,
i'm not going to ask this guy out according to his response..

last 2 days, i sent him 2 sms..but no reply at all..
lps tu..i pun x hantar2 dah..malu lah..
so..x jadilah..assuming dia mmg x berminat..

maybank · Post time 5-6-2008 01:40 PM

Thanks ifan.....but he tell me that he won't choose any of us. I mean i dgn yg sorang lagi tu. Dia ckp dia takleh nak berfikir dgn baik skrg ni sbb dua2 dia sayang but he insist that he love me more. So utk tak sakitkan hati kedua2 org, dia tinggalkan dua2 sekali. He tell me he need time to be alone. I tak paham la....nape dia jadi mcm tak betul cm ni sekali....lagi sedih bila teringatkan 2 years we were together as a couple tapi tak leh nak lawan hubungan dia yg baru sebulan tu?

So dia sebenarnya dah wat keputusan tapi i yg takleh terima. I still believe that he's for me n vice vers. Should i help him to find what's he looking for or should i just left him alone for a while mcm yg dia minta? cuma yg i takut if i do left him alone takut yg satu lagi akan amik kesempatan...i really2 dont want to lose him...

p/s; do u think it's a good idea if i talk with that 3rd party?

sweetpea911 · Post time 5-6-2008 03:12 PM

sorry to hear that maybank..
bleh tak kalau i nak pg pndpt..smntara tunggu doc ifan tu..hehe..

based on my experience la..
i've been in ur shoes before..boleh dikatakan situasi hampir sama..
i pun mcm nak gila dulu..hehhee..yelah, dia ckp dia sayang tp dr
cara dia nmpk segala2 nya dah tawar..tp apa pun, yg baru semestinya
lagi best, cantik dan menarik..kalau tak, knp dia nak tertarik dgn yg baru tu?

sorry if u feels offended..tp sebaik2 nya..u try la menghilang dulu dr
idup dia buat seketika..tenangkan fikiran n tny diri u, inikah org nya yg u nak
spend seumur hidup u dgn dia..kalau pun dia pilih u skrg, u ingat senang2 ke dia
boleh lupa org baru tu..

u masih boleh cuba utk fight..i cuma ckp je..tp yg tau the real situation cuma
u sorang je..u je tau apa kebaikan dia yg buat u payah sgt nak lepaskan dia..
look at the bigger picture..5 thn akan dtg, 10 thn akan dtg..jgn tengok masa
skrg je..hidup ni sgt panjang utk kita bazirkan dgn org yg x sepatutnya..

to meet or to talk with the 3rd party is a big no-no!
i dah pernah buat kesilapan ni..n hrp u jgn buat bnda yg sama..

maybank · Post time 5-6-2008 06:47 PM

sweetpea...thank u so much for your concern...i really appreciate that..that 3rd party i kenal sebenarnya. That's why i nak tanya dia apa yg jadi sebenarnya. Sebenarnya i nak tau, betul ke dia tinggalkan both of us tapi sebenarnya he just left me n already choose her tapi sebab tak nak lukakan i, dia cakap mcm tu....

if u tak keberatan, why dont u share ur stori wit me so that i can learn something from u n how u survive from all this....coz u know wat? penah jugak tepiki better i die...

sweetpea911 · Post time 5-6-2008 08:25 PM

u wanna die just because of this fuc**g guy??
its not worth it la dear..hmmm..

i pun kenal dgn 3rd party tu..dia pun kenal i n tau r'ship
i dgn my ex..mula2, i mmg dah rasa x best sbb dia akan carik my ex
everytime dia ada problem, nak mengadu n apa2 je lah..
tp my ex ckp dia anggap that girl mcm adik aje..not more that that..

then i pun ok..tanpa i sedar antara diorg tu dah berputik bibit2 kasih..
yelah..dah mcm rapat sgt..dah x de rahsia dah diorg tu..
smpi i pulak kdg2 rasa terpinggir dan mula lah episod2 pergaduhan i dgn my
ex disebabkan perasaan i yg tergugat ni..
dan setiap kali i yg akan dipersalahkan dan dituduh cemburu x bertempat..
i x dpt terima dia ckp cmtu sbb my ex mmg ada kwn ngan pmpuan lain tp i x pnh nak rasa takut/suspicious sgt mcm dia dgn 'adik angkat' dia ni..

until one day, i caught them bermesej sayang2, rindu2 bagai..janji2 nak
kawen sumer,keluar blk pkl 2 pagi..hati sapa la x rasa sedih..tp i tetap anggap i yg pk byk sgt,
diorg tu mungkin bergurau je..tp start dr tu, my ex dah mcm lain..dah mcm
dingin sgt2..dia kata dah tawar hati dgn i sbb x percayakan dia lagi..
dia kata dia dah x de perasaan dgn i n dia stay pun sbb kesian je dgn i..
u bygkan perasaan i time tu..dahla masa tu i asik outstation sorang2..
smpi ada skali tu, bila dah penat sgt dgn silent war yg dia lancarkan tu, i tny
lagi tntang perasaan dia kat i..n dia kata x tau nak ckp ape..so, i ckp ngan
dia x guna kita nak teruskan kalau dah dia sndiri x tau perasaan dia kat i..

dan..tu lah point yg dia guna utk betul2 putus dgn i..x pasal2 plak dia leh kata
that girl dah confess psl hati n perasaan kat dia..so, masa tu nak pujuk2 pun
x guna dah..dia tetap kata dah tawar hati..siap ckp i ni x reti bahasa lagi..

tp still x mengaku yg dia dah terima that girl..yg paling jijik siap ckp lps ni
x percaya dah kat pmpuan sbb terluka dgn sikap i..nak hisap ganja la, apa lah..
siap kata i hancurkan hidup dia..

x smpi 2 hari..i dpt tahu dia dah kapel dgn that girl..hancur lebur hati i..
mmg ada rasa x sanggup nak idup dah time tu..mmg gile lah x rasional..
sbb i dah mmg rasa dia yg akan jd suami i..n sepatutnya, 2 minggu lps tu, family
dia akan dtg merisik..
tp..mgkin dah ini yg terbaik utk i..nak tak nak i kena terima..berat i dr 49kg penah
cecah 42-43kg je..mmg tol2 x lalu mkn, x lena tido..siang mlm asik nangis je..
pulak tu, after 4 mths, i dpt tau diorg bertunang dah..rasa mcm nak pitam je time tu..

n now..alhamdulillah..7 bln dah berlalu..
i rasa happy n bhgia dgn life i skrg..ingat kat dia tu still ada kdg2, tp rasanya
sayang tu dah xde..air mata pun dah kering..cuma, x sangup dah nak ingat
betapa teruknya i masa 2,3 bln pertama tu..

situasi kita mgkin x sama..tp i rasa u dpt amik pengajaran dr kisah i ni..
kalau dia betul2 sayangkan u, dia x akan membuka ruang utk didekati oleh
org lain..bkn bermakna dia x leh kwn ngan pmpuan lain, tp how far dia boleh
let other woman masuk ke dlm idup dia..klu dah smpi tahap dia boleh sayang
jugak kat pmpuan lain tu..dah x de mknanya syg dia kat kita..

sorry kalau citer i buat u rasa lemah smgt..tp, mcm i ckp..u sndiri yg paham
condition u skrg..kalau u rasa he's worth to fight for, then fight for your love..
mana tahu ni mgkin dugaan utk uji kekuatan cinta u dkt dia..
klu jd apa pun, u x kan menyesal for at least u've tried..gud luck then..

[ Last edited by sweetpea911 at 5-6-2008 07:30 PM ]

maybank · Post time 5-6-2008 10:46 PM

apsal keadaan kita mcm sama je

sometime terasa gak sebenarnya dia dah memang tak nak dgn i dah. Tapi ntah la susah sgt nak lepas dia pegi...or maybe the best way is to let him go?? sebenarnya i takut org lain takleh jaga dia...nanti dia susah, leh ke gf baru dia tu jaga dia betul2? i...i've promised to myself before that i want to take care of this guy for the rest of my life no matter wat happen.

Nape aku sayang sangat ngan dia sampai tahap mcm ni?? betul ckp ko, dah 4 ari ni aku langsung tak rasa lapar pun, nape ntah....aku rindu nak mkn nasi tapi tak selera. Aku rasa kalau ada jual kat mana2 ubat yg leh wat kita lupakan somebody tu aku sanggup beli walau bape mahal sekalipun......sebab ada sampai tahap aku dah tak tahan lagi.....

I hope if dah ditakdirkan i tak dgn dia, i'll end up like u....hepi jugak akhirnya kan hehe....

thanks sweetpea..

ifanonline · Post time 6-6-2008 02:24 PM

sorry ladies for the late reply, i was caught up with work...

to maybank,

This is from a guy point of view. Sometime in a relationship, a guy and girl will search something from each other whether they are compatible or sesuai utk each other. Dalam tempoh relationship tu, no matter how long the relationship is, we need to maintain the feelings towards one another. It's hard work to maintain ones feelings. This goes towards the ladies and the men. Manusia ni cepat bosan kalau hati dier tak terhibur...

Maybe...just maybe that your ex-bf is not happy with you. Whether how you communicate with him, treat him, or having fun with him. Your ex-bf could not achieve that maximum feelings with you. I'm not saying this to blame you or him. It's just that relationship needs maintenance. You cannot let relationship flow on its own.

You have all the right to leave him or him leaving you. Maybe you need to put some effort in your future relationship. Remember, love needs two to tango or two hands clapping.

maybank · Post time 7-6-2008 02:20 PM

ifan u memang betul....maybe i tak cukup treat dia dgn baik....sekarang ni i bz wit my works....weekend je leh jumpa dia. Maybe sebab tu dia berubah kot....If ada masa kami akan kuar weekend tapi kejap je becoz i was so tired. I think thats the reason it has started. Kekadang i lawan cakap dia. I really regret for wat i have done....

Ifan i really2 want to save our relationship...last nite when i confront him, he admit that its not hard to leave her but it was so hard to leave me. Dia minta i jgn manjakan dia lagi....dia nak belajar dari kesilapan dia ni. He said he need time to be alone for a while to think about wat he had done. N he finally gave me back our supposed to be barang hantaran...dia ckp insyallah dia akan balik nanti.

Do u really think he mean it....dont u think by the time i leave him alone that 3rd party akan amik kesempatan or someone else might masuk jarum plak....tu yg i paling takut sekali. Thats why eveytime dia minta i leave him alone for a while i takleh terima n i tak sanggup buat....wat should i do????

maybank · Post time 9-6-2008 05:18 PM

It's over....he finally admit he already choose her...it just that dia tak nak sakitkan hati i thats why dia tak bg tau awal2. Dah sebulan rupanya diorg declare. At that moment, i felt like dying....

Kenapa dia sampai hati buat mcm ni? Tak bermakna ke hubungan kami 2 tahun ni? I know it;s my fault....i never try to understand him...dia dah bg hint tapi i tak cuba nak buat apa2. Tak sangka dia jd mcm ni sbb ada perempuan lain. Betul2 tak sangka....kenapa dia langsung tak nak bagi peluang baiki semua ni...

ifanonline · Post time 11-6-2008 12:44 PM

I'm sorry to hear about the news. Love needs time and space to grow. You need to invest time towards someone you love. Not only time, you need nurturing, listening, talking, etc...actually relationship is hard work...that's when u see people yg baru putus cinta...dier orang malas nak pikir pasal relationship lagi dah...ia memenatkan, meletihkan, memualkan...

In the future, manage your time wisely...kita semua diberikan 24 jam. It's how you divide your time that matters in your life. Not only women, men too needs attention in a relationship. Lelaki metrosexual katakan (i'm blaming the ladies for this metro thingy...). Like you said, we are busy with our life and we intend to be busy throughout our life. Life is more than work. Even thou work is important, love, family, friends too are important.

[ Last edited by ifanonline at 11-6-2008 12:48 PM ]

maybank · Post time 11-6-2008 01:06 PM

if he really love me, he should understand. Tinggal 2 bulan je lagi i'll finish my work n he knows that...

Takpe, if he's for me than he'll come back...if he's not, i doakan kebahagiaan dia...