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Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations
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After kissing, Malay taxi driver told his cute passenger ' I lied. I'm not single, I'm married'. Passenger reply ' It's ok, I lied too, I'm not Sally, I'm Salleh'.
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 14-3-2007 06:43 PM ] |
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We are all a little weird and life's a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life.
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Free Haircuts
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
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CRIME STORY
Five friends lived in one room, namely
MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.
One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time
BRAIN was in the bathroom, MAD then call the Police.
MAD : "Is it police station???"
Police: "Yes, what is the matter??"
MAD : "SOMEBODY killed NOBODY."
Police: "Are you mad?"
MAD : "Yes, I'm MAD."
Police: "Don`t you have BRAIN."
MAD : "BRAIN is in bathroom...."
Police: "You FOOL.!!!"
MAD : "No, Sir.. FOOL is reading this joke... "
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I Had No Idea
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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Jury Duty
A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty!' So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!"
With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant's lawyer."
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Artificial Limb
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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Golf
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild s*x,they fell sleep, awakening around 8:00 PM. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home."Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having s*x all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying ! *****! You've been playing golf!"****
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Fooling Around
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try to have a son. A month of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen... He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" He gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"****
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ABBY
Author: Clinton Followell
Every time we embrace,
I go to that far away place
When we just walk hand in hand.
I抦 in never, never land.
Whenever I look into your eyes,
I begin to get butterflies,
Then my heart skips a beat,
And our lips passionately meet.
You are always on my mind,
Your face is all it can find.
I think about you every day
And know it抣l all work out some how, some way.
Some say we抮e dumb and foolish
Some say we should do as we wish
But all my heart could ever do
Is tell you that I抣l always Love You! |
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Can people really be this stupid?
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that I could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. |
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Can people really be this stupid?
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
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Can people really be this stupid?
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk |
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Reply #116 TheHawk's post
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Dari seorang guru
Ayahku dan si"dia"
*Coretan seorang guru wanita di salah sebuah felda di selatan tanah air...
Seorang murid dari kelas 3 Mawar telah bertemu denganku. Semalam dia meminta
untuk bertemu dengan aku karana hendak menceritakan tentang ayahnya.
Liliana, merupakan seorang pelajar yang aktif dan riang sebelum ini. Hanya
kebelakangan ini sahaja dia kelihatan murung dan sedih. Kadang-kadang sesi
"Bahasa Inggeris" yang aku ajarkan bagaikan tidak mengundang keminatannya.
Dia sering termenung dan kelihatan sugul. Kini dia di hadapanku, harapanku,
jika ada masalah yang dia hadapi akan cuba kubantu sedaya mungkin.
Cikgu, ini mengenai ayah saya. Air matanya terus berlinangan. Aku hanya
mampu memegangnya dan mengurut-urut lengannya, dan menantikan dia meneruskan
kalimat-kalimat dari bibirnya yang kecil itu. Dia meneruskan kata-katanya:
"Ayah saya telah berubah sejak tiga bulan yang lalu. Semuanya kerana
kehadiran "dia". Kehadiran "dia" ke rumah kami telah mengubah suasana di
dalam rumah . Memang pada asalnya, "dia" memang dinanti-nantikan untuk
bersama kami. Malah, ibu sayalah yang telah mencadangkan kepada ayah untuk
"dia" tinggal bersama kami. Pada awalnya kami amat gembira bila "dia" ada
bersama kami. Mungkin kerana "dia" masih baru dan kami masih terlalu teruja
mendapatkan "dia" di dalam rumah kami.
Keadaan telah berubah apabila ayah sudah mula rapat dengan si "dia".
Walaupun pada asalnya ibulah yang banyak bersama dengan "dia", namun
akhirnya ayah pula yang berjaya dikuasai oleh si "dia". Semenjak itu ayah
tidak memperdulikan ibu lagi. Kami juga sudah tidak ayah pedulikan juga.
Hubungan ayah dengan "dia" semakin intim. Pulang sahaja dari kerja, ayah
terus mendapatkan si "dia". Kadang kala ayah sanggup untuk mengambil cuti
semata-mata untuk bersama dengan si "dia". Kami geram sungguh!
Pada bulan Jun yang lalu, krisis kami dengan ayah mencapai kemuncaknya. Ayah
sudah tidak pedulikan ibu lagi. Ayah sudah tidak tidur dengan ibu lagi
semata-mata untuk bersama dengan si "dia". Ayah sudah melampau. Ayah sanggup
mengorbankan waktu tidurnya dan juga waktu bersama ibu hanya untuk bersama
si "dia". Lebih menghangatkan darah kami lagi, di pagi hari kami lihat ayah
terdampar bersama si "dia". Satu contoh yang amat tidak sihat buat kami
anak-anak. Ibu tetap boleh bersabar. Banyak kali juga kami mendengar ibu
menasihati ayah, tetapi ayah tetap tidak berubah. Ibu tidak mahu derhaka,
hanya nasihat sahajalah yang boleh ibu berikan. Malangnya tidak nampak pun
riak-riak ayah akan berubah. Bahkan kini ayah semakin teruk.
Siang, malam, pagi, petang....ayah lebih meluangkan masa untuk bersama
dengan "dia". Saya tidak mahu digelar anak derhaka, tetapi keadaan ayah
semakin melampau. Akhirnya cikgu..."
Dia terus menangis teresak-esak. Aku terus memujuknya, "sabar, setiap orang
ada masalah masing-masing...". Aku terus memeluk Liliana.
"Cikgu Ros, saya tidak mahu menjadi anak derhaka, tetapi demi ayah, saya
terpaksa lakukannya..."
"Apa yang kamu telah lakukan?", tanyaku dengan nada yang lembut.
"Saya terpaksa menelefon tempat asal si "dia". Saya telah mendail *
1300-82-3838*, dan meminta mereka memutuskan hubungan ayah dengan "dia""
"Siapa dia tu?", aku binggung...
"Astro!"
Aku: ???????
Moral: Astro macam-macam ada, tapi jangan sampai waktu untuk isteri dan
anak-anak tiada kerananya!
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 30-3-2007 09:28 PM ] |
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Category: Negeri & Negara
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Author
Post time 21-3-2007 03:16 PM
setuju 
[/img]
