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Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations
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I am creating this "Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations " solely for the purpose of sharing my favourite collections of Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations especially for permanent members of this board, others are most welcome too. It is also my sincererest wish that this thread would in some ways could cheer up and enlighten up those who are in a stressful mood. And of course for some it could add more spices to their already cheerful lives.
You are very much welcome to post your own favourites and make comments!
I will start by reposting those jokes which I have posted in Bod "Jom Borak Borak... sub-bod gossip kenamaan ".
Before I proceed may I have the approval from the Moderators here please!
Let us be happy! Let us care! Let us share! And always!   :hug: :love: 
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 10-3-2007 06:54 PM ] |
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Cannot wait lah!
This is a beautiful story.
Love conquers all
My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.
Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.
I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.
One day I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.
He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?
And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.
Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"
He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just
sank by listening to his response.
I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of
paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....
My dear,
"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.."
This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.
"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software
programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to saved my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.
You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my
legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.
You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by
infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.
You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...
Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "
My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on reading...
"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...
I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....
Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...
That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.
Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form... . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 10-3-2007 10:49 AM ] |
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Three Old Men
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock: no problem at all." said the 80-year-old.
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old. "No, I crap every morning at 6:30." the older man responded.
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!" |
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Originally posted by TheHawk at 10-3-2007 10:39
I have already checked, not in this Bod Singapore and Brunei, other bods yes! But have to wait for the approval before I proceed. |
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This is one of my favourite....
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
-Helen Keller
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another one...ahaks!
Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart."
- unknown writer.
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Little Old Lady Knows How to Gamble
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president,"$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the Bank of Canada's balls in my hand."
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 10-3-2007 11:31 AM ] |
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Originally posted by masarju at 10-3-2007 11:29 AM
Can I join???I"m not a permanet member
Of course you can! And thank you! |
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another one...  its in my Profile...
EASY & DIFFICULT
Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue
Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...
Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...
Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...
Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...
Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult is to see the other side...
Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...
Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value..
Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise..
Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day..
Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...
Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...
Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.
Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking about it and put it into action...
Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...
Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give
Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings
Easy to read this
Difficult to follow |
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Old Age Joke
Better late than never..
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you on the first of April of this year?
Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front
porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on
the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner
passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little old Woman: He began to rub my bre*sts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive
and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down
and said to him..."Take me. young man...Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little old Woman: Hell, no. he just yelled,
"April Fool!" ... And that's when I shot the little b8stard! |
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Cellphones
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's Only $1,500! Can I buy it?"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it if you like."
"Thanks Sweetie. I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000 ... "
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! But before we hang up, something else... It might sound like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover the downpayment."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later! I love you!"
"Bye. I love you too."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand and calls out:
"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?" |
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Malaysian English VS Briton's
Who says our English is teruk. Just see below -
Malaysian English is simple, short, concise, straight-to-d-point, effective etc. The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing. So, why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are on a long distance call. Make it snappy.
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kews
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (while pointing at door) Can or not?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!!
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!! |
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Stingy Lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?" |
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JUst to share...
I just broke up with someone
and the last thing she said to me was..
'You'll never find anyone like me again!'...
I'm thinking, 'I should hope not!
If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?' |
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The Screen Saver
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God, "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.
Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
God says, "That was the screen saver".
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 10-3-2007 11:51 AM ] |
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this is from my signature...
It takes years to build trust, and a few seconds to destroy it.
It only takes a few seconds to hurt people you love and it takes years to heal.
The worst way to miss someone is to be seated by him and know you'll never have him.
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Category: Negeri & Negara
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Post time 10-3-2007 10:19 AM
变色卡
Author
