Me and my gay BFF

bulanbulat

Victorioussss replied at 19-12-2017 09:26 PM
Ni bukan sinopsis suamiku encik sotong kan? Ok good.
Next novel/drama pukul 7 : gay itu bakal suami ...

Tergelak i baca initial part tu.

InsyaAllah. Dok bertenggek di krt tu pekajadah zaman skarang laki bini dok berskandal sakan. Norm ke apa?

Risau org bujang nak kawin

bulanbulat

I dah move on. Alhamdulillah.

I dapat kesempatan gi mekah, dan i doa banyak banyak kat sana. Bila balik in a month i rasa sewel i dah hilang dan i nampak kebenaran.

Thanks for the nasihat ya korang. Doakan i

Meiizu

bulanbulat replied at 3-2-2018 04:33 PM
I dah move on. Alhamdulillah.

I dapat kesempatan gi mekah, dan i doa banyak banyak kat sana. Bila ...

Alhamdulillah

NotYourBF

Mula-mula baca cerita ko, aku ingatkan kau adalah someone yang aku kenal.
Aku boleh dikira mcm lelaki dalam cerita kau.
Dan kau mcm kawan perempuan aku tu.
aku pun bukan jenis keluar berdua-duaan dgn partner
Lebih banyak dengan kawan aku tu
AKu boleh cerita apa pun nak tahu
Tapi aku tak suka bile dia duk luah dia still syg aku
Pada aku lah, dia selesa dengan kau sebagai kawan je
Jangan ubah status tu
Mmg kau harap dia akan berubah demi kau dan terima kau seadanya
Orang akan cakap golongan ni guna perempuan untuk nampak normal
Tapi pada aku, tak... Aku tak pernah nk orang pikir siapa aku.
Aku manusia, dan aku perlukan kawan
Dan orang yang aku pilih adalah perempuan
Itu sahaja. Takde istilah mempergunakan.
Jadi pada aku, terus jelah berkawan.
Tak salah pun...

bulanbulat

NotYourBF replied at 2-3-2018 11:00 AM
Mula-mula baca cerita ko, aku ingatkan kau adalah someone yang aku kenal.
Aku boleh dikira mcm lela ...

Kinda interesting..

Initially i confused. I thought he liked me.
I fell for him. Then i learned the bitter sad truth gay is gay, truth hurts but okay. Fine.

Then i realised ok he needs me as a friend more than everything, which hurt la because i love him more than a friend.
I accept the fact, hati tak boleh paksa(gay or straight)

But staying as friend pun hard for me.

This person had been latching on my time, attention and my emotion. (Im allowing that as well)
And i tak dapat the same treatment from him.
When im in need, he reluctant nak tolong
When im bored and need company, he need to do something else(most of the time)
When im the one yg spend time with him most of the time, he paraded other friends dalam his socmed and me, none?
What am i then?

Dia yg label our friendship as bff, im his soulmate la apa. I did not respond. But this is not mutual. Where is my share of friendship?

And seeing him so happy with his gay crushes and stuff, (dia cakap he only open up to me, sbb i tau his status)
broke my heart everytime.
Every single time.

Then i realised we can not be friends.
I will be broken by the end of the day watching the person i care (once loved) soar.

I tak la assume my ending going to be great, if like konfem syurga gitu, but living in the moment is too painful.

If your friend ok with u being openly gay with her, its okay. Both of u had mutual respect and understanding.

Mine x ada.
I never beg his love or for he to change because of me.
I ask him to do it for himself.

Because he is not happy living his 'moments' now.

Which make wonder is he happy when he was with me?

Note: sorry, i kinda confess to u, thinking if u are him, please understand why im this way..

NotYourBF

bulanbulat replied at 2-3-2018 11:21 AM
Kinda interesting..

Initially i confused. I thought he liked me.

Aku rasa kau mmg mcm kawan aku. Hahaha... dan aku mmg kawan gay kau tu (yg membezakan cuma aku tak pernah kawen... tu yg meyakinkan aku cerita kau takde kena mengena dengan aku).
Aku bgtau aku gay pun bile dia confess yang dia suka aku. Hahaha... dan sebenarnya aku dah lama tahu, cuma aku malas nk layan sbb niat aku cuma berkawan. Nak ada someone yang kita panggil "kawan". Kawan lelaki tak sama (samaada yg sealiran ataupun tak). Kawan lelaki straight, memang susahlah nk cerita bukan-bukan. Kawan gay lak pun ada payah sendiri -- mcm duk cite ttg laki manjang. Aku rasa dia pun nk ada someone yg normal. Yang tak judge dia. Aku dan dia (kawan kau) tau dosa pahala. Aku dan dia nk someone untuk share kesunyian (bf), bukan sebab seks semata2. Seks mana2 boleh dapat. Walaupun tau, benda tu tak kemana, dan PLU bukan semua boleh harap. hahaha... Tapi still, dalam hati nk ada someone (yg pasti bukan perempuan).

Aku penah cakap, just doa aku panjang umur untuk aku ada masa menginsafi apa yang aku bt. Nak suruh berubah, itu bukan benda mudah. Ubah fizikal, naluri tetap mencabar. Orang dah biasa makan nasi, suruh ubah hari-hari makan sayur pun dia boleh. Apatah berkaitan naluri dan nafsu.

FYI, aku dgn kawan aku pun tak baik skrg. Hahaha... berlaku bile dia mula jadi advisor dalam kehidupan aku. Mula persoalkan itu ini... Aku boleh berkongsi cerita tp jgn judge aku (bukan bermaksud aku tak sedau dosa2 semua tu), just aku nk "kawan", bukan "orang asing".

Kalau rasa nak pergi, pergilah. Tp janganlah kau pergi sebab dia gay. Dia anggap kau BFF bile dia perlukan kau. Bile dia bz dgn bf dia, mmg kau dia tak layan. Hahaha... sama mcm aku. Hahaha...

Apa2 pun good luck. Takde PLU yang nak hidup begini, kkdg terpikir nak berubah tapi nafsu itu lebih kuat. Bukan bertuhankan nafsu tapi belum bersedia untuk melepaskannya. Hahaha... boleh gitu?

bulanbulat

NotYourBF replied at 2-3-2018 11:57 AM
Aku rasa kau mmg mcm kawan aku. Hahaha... dan aku mmg kawan gay kau tu (yg membezakan cuma aku tak ...

Kesunyian tu la yang dia takut.
Yang dia tak nak ubah. Sama la macam u ckp, nak bf for compny, likely monogamous forever.

People have needs dia ckp. I kinda symphatized, idk what to say.

I cakap, ill be here, when u need me. But i taknak be supportive bff yg bersorak kat him on his life events. If he need someone to boost his ego, go on. But not me.

Benda ni jadi makin sensitif bila makin lama dia rasa i makin tak sporting, and i rasa he makin x care about me.

At 1 point of time dia makin usik i, gelakkan my flaws, annoy i sesuka hati dia, ofcks i akan upset and like any other girl, i bising la.

I think u both are so similar.
He kinda think im judgemental and i keep on reminding him to go back to god

He is not ready yet.

U choose to live a lonely road, so u need to learn on how to.
U tak boleh gunakan orang lain utk puaskan hati u

Like me i tak nak take her bf role yang dia x dapat, eg teman shopping/tgk wayang/teman makan/texting 24h/layan dia merepek and stuff
I would love to tbh, spending time with person whom u love and make u happy, apa lagi kita nak kan?

In the end makes me wonder, bila u bercerita about your life to the girl, apa u expect from her i  return?
If she listened, and replied so-so u rasa u akan still friend with her in the first place?
What makes u choose her?

anyclassything

Hello dear! Just nak share with you. I mmg ramai gila gay bff I pun xtahu why ramai gay suka kawan I. Tp maybe sbb I tahu dorg gay, so bagi I the closeness tu mcm sama je dgn girlfriends I. Hahaha I rasa thats why dorang suka kawan sebab we treat them well, and let them be themselves. Honestly sama je gay mmg prangai dia mcm bff girl. Selalu text you, hantar gambar makanan, ajak keluar, ajak makan, share pasal crush etc etc. And what you have to do is layan je la mcm bff girl. I pon ambik kesempatan gak tanya soalan2 real life question about gay life etc. Kebetulan haritu I heartbroken dgn my ex, ada bff gay I jgk heartbroken sbb laki dia curang. Bayangkanlah meroyan sama2 hahaha but tak payah la you. Jgn taruh harapan ye just have fun ada kawan lelaki even x normal dorg baik je hehe

bulanbulat

anyclassything replied at 3-3-2018 01:46 AM
Hello dear! Just nak share with you. I mmg ramai gila gay bff I pun xtahu why ramai gay suka kawan I ...

Now u mentioned it..
I perempuan tapi x buat camtu with my friends. Lol
I guess correct la dia actually mcm perempuan. Tapi i x perasan sbb i and my  close friend x macam tu.

Thanks for the insight. Sedih kan, i enjoyed his company so much but my feelings dah ruined the friendship

snipersnake

kenapa buang masa?

bulanbulat

snipersnake replied at 8-3-2018 03:45 PM
kenapa buang masa?

I ask myself that as well.
Why and why and why.

No answer.

My feelings, dreadful. Tambah2 lagi bila dia decide nak further explore gay life, and detaching me from his life.

Sayang memang tak ada biji mata, i think(and maybe x da otak jugak)

snipersnake

bulanbulat replied at 9-3-2018 02:09 AM
I ask myself that as well.
Why and why and why.

dont waste your time.

kau muda lagik. explore. panjang gunung. pi travel. do something crazy. nih kat stuck jadik mcm nih. move on lah. ramai je org baik2 kat luar sana. cuma kena carik kat tempat betul. majlis ilmu ke, masjid ke, surau ke, charity event ke. banyak.